Life without stress

For many women, stress is mostly a self-imposed punishment. Vimla Patil tells you how to break free from this bondage, lest it gets the better of you. So, ladies, get ready to bid adieu to the monster.

You can almost tell if a woman is tense just by looking at her face. Some are hassled about being on time to work, some have had an argument with the husband or teenaged children, some have pains they neglect on the pretext of being ‘too busy to attend to them’ and yet others are worried about balancing the budget of their homes in this frightening economy. Talk to such women and you will usually find that they are stressed about events that have either already occurred or are yet to happen.

They are still arguing with the husband in their minds, shouting at their errant children or shaking their fingers at the grocer who quotes high prices. ‘Stressed out’ women are usually quick at connecting present events with similar past events so that the chain reaction of their stress is multiplied every day. It is always easy to recall the past because it is ‘certain and real’, whereas to see the future, you have to ‘dream’ or ‘plan’. 

Hence, they torture themselves with cruel words thrown at them weeks ago, missed opportunities from years ago or even illogical comparisons which hurt their egos decades ago. One factor which is common to all such women is that they cannot jump out of the dark chasm of the past pain and concentrate on the present. 

They make no effort to control their thinking pattern, which multiplies their torture and numbs them for days, months or even years. Yes, logic tells them that hurt, pain, loss and sorrow come to everyone, but they find it difficult not to personalise the suffering and in the worst cases, suffer from depression, physical pain and loneliness. Whatever happiness is there in the present, loses lustre in the dark shadow of these negatives.

Counselling or treatment becomes necessary in really bad cases. Most counsellors remind us that going through tragic events or loss is common to all, but the quantum of stress that results is different in different people. Women are likely to suffer more stress because of their emotional nature. Hence, it is imperative to destroy the bondage of stress and get on with a positive outlook in life.  

Here are some quick steps women can take to lead reasonably stress-free lives:

* Never look back with anger, regret or sorrow. Leave the old pages of your life closed. They cannot ever be rewritten. The past is done with. So employ your energy in improving the  future. 

* Don’t allow friends or family to make negative remarks about life and its difficulties all the time. Don’t pepper your conversations with criticism, jealousy, grumbling, judgements and revenge. Don’t hurt people by design. Allow people to be and earn the freedom to be yourself.

* Concentrate on your own progress, not on others’ faults. Taunting, putting down others and gossiping about them because they are ‘less than you’ signify a mean character. Concentrate on your own efforts to rise higher in whatever you do. Do not misconstrue remarks and form wrong opinions of people based on wrong information.

* Observe a few minutes’ silence every few hours to get your equanimity back. Meditation – however brief – helps to create a pool of peace in your heart and clarifies your view of the world. Dream of being happy, busy and successful.

* Be grateful that the trees around flower with precision; that birds make music every season and that the skies, the rain and all natural phenomena are made to give you all that you need. 

Respond to these beautiful aspects of nature by celebrating life. When your work yields results or you complete an assignment satisfactorily, be content that you have the opportunities to do what you like and achieve success.

* Enjoy the food you eat and praise people for their efforts. Say a quiet thank you to your parents and look after them. Respect  all those who have contributed to make you the person you are. Being grateful makes you aware of all that you have and enjoy. Saying “I have everything that I want” makes you feel content and powerful. 

* Define realistic goals for yourself and your family. Be well-informed about these and the knowledge required to succeed in achieving them. Meet or read about people who inspire you and give you new insights about life. Such people see beyond the obvious and help you develop your vision for the future.

* Think before you jump into a decision or activity. Stop and think for a moment whether your judgement of people or situations is right. You may need to rethink many times over before you go ahead with a project or a financial decision. Listen to others, but hold your own counsel based on knowledge and research. If your ideas are wrong, be honest and admit your mistakes. 

* A foundation of spirituality helps to bring about the change in us step by step. Unswerving faith also helps us greatly to understand the wisdom of the luminaries of our nation to see life in a positive manner and leave fear behind. Imagine the world to be a basket and put all your positive thoughts, actions, smiles, dreams and genuine efforts in it and watch the results. It will reward you amply. 

* Review your progress from time to time and take corrective action if needed. Find like-minded people who can contribute to your efforts or join you with positive inputs. Once you are on the path to achievement of your goals, you will be a different, confident person. Be active, productive, aware, conflict-free and balanced in your outlook. 

* Enjoy your work. Spend a part of the day in activities that give you pleasure. A leisurely massage, a quiet meal with a dear friend, time spent with children, a walk in the park, listening to your favourite music or joining community activities of your choice, should work like magic. 

* Never let the light of hope vanish from your life. Life never stands still and every day is precious for us to conserve our energy and achieve our goals.