Lessons in inoculating yourself from work stress

What is stress? It is your body’s response to something it perceives as a threat or danger. However, it is not something that happens because of your manager, the politics at work, your relationship, the random bad driver on the road, the state of the world, or anything external to you. It happens because of your thoughts and interpretations about all those external occurrences.

If your boss gives you negative feedback, you perceive it as a threat because of how you process that feedback, and it causes you stress. If you think “this is the worst thing that can happen”, “my boss now thinks I am not capable”, “this means I may lose my job”, “this marks the end of my career” or other such catastrophizing thoughts, it feels like a threat and causes you stress. On the other hand, if you take that feedback for what it truly is, an input on your performance meant to help you grow, then it is not that stressful.

We all know that traffic in Bangalore is bad. Yet we get stressed when we get onto the roads, or when someone cuts in front of us. Instead of accepting that the traffic is bad and budgeting enough travel time, we choose to leave at the last minute, keep the horn pressed, shout a few curses along the way, and let stress seep into our system.

We focus on the negative — the traffic, the lost time, and the meetings we may be late for. Instead, try taking a few deep breaths when you sit in the car and training your mind to stay with you on the drive – the sights, the weather, the music. You may reach your destination in the same amount of time, but you will reach less stressed and frazzled!

The cab driver may have kept you waiting, stopped for gas, or not turned on the air conditioning. You can choose to treat these as just a regular part of life, or you can choose to attach a lot of meaning to them and interpret them as a personal insult, which allows it to add to the stress you experience. You and your partner may have a disagreement. You may choose to get stressed about it because you believe only your view is the ‘right’ one, or you may agree to disagree as both views have their place, and thus not get stressed about it.

You may not receive the promotion you think you deserve. You consider this the worst thing that could happen to you. You believe you need to isolate yourself and feel ashamed to face anyone. And that causes stress. Or you could go with the flow, try to analyse what happened, know that there will be times that you will get what you deserve and times that you won’t. And there will be times when you think you deserve it, but others don’t. In any case, your promotion does not define you or decide your worth. If you allow yourself to think this way, your stress will be much lower.

So, how do you inoculate yourself from the harmful effects of stress?

Most importantly, whenever you feel your stress rising, pause. Take a few deep breaths and give yourself space to think, breathe, and regulate your emotions. Sometimes, just this is enough to help reduce your stress. 

Worry and stress often come from overestimating the danger in a situation. Learn to reframe your thoughts. Be aware of your tendency to catastrophe and catch yourself when slipping into negative, stress-inducing thinking patterns. Challenge those thoughts and replace them with more positive ones. You may benefit from the support of a counsellor to help you do this.

Don’t consider all stress as bad. The body’s stress response is not always debilitating. It can also be helpful and protective, especially when the trigger is a real threat. Believe that you can handle, and even learn and grow from, the stress in your life. Know that stress is something that everyone deals with. It is not unique to you. 

View stress as an opportunity to learn and grow. Stress leaves an imprint on your brain that prepares you to better handle similar stress the next time you encounter it. It’s as if going through a stressful experience gives your brain and body a stress vaccine! Learning something new adds to your skill set and knowledge, and helps you grow and feel competent. This reduces your stress. 

Lastly, stay focused on what you can control—your thoughts, how you interpret what is happening in your world, and how much you allow that to affect you. No matter what event triggers your stress response, the real culprit is your thought process, not that event.

(The author is a counsellor and wellness coach)