Hospitable hosts

Humour

My husband’s family was and is still known for their hospitality (not bordering on hostility!).

Regardless of whether they were going through lean times or otherwise, a caller would never be allowed to leave without some repast offered — lunch or dinner at lunch time or dinner time and coffee and snacks at all other times. They were, and still are, the epitome of famed Indian hospitality. A guest is verily god. He should be fed well and looked after well.

When I came into the family, I slowly got used to the culture of hospitalilty of the family and learnt to become a good hostess, but with reservations.

I never believed in over-feeding a person. I would take their refusals and demurring to be genuine. While serving food, if a person were to stretch his hand to say ‘stop’, I would stop serving immediately, dead-stop like in an automatic bottling plant. Once a member of the family asked me, “Why do you stop serving as soon as I say ‘enough’?” Puzzled,I replied, “Because once you say ‘enough,’ it means you do not want any more, right?”. The person explained, “See, whenever we say ‘stop’, our mother dishes out one or two more servings. So, we are always conditioned to saying ‘stop’ earlier, knowing full well that our quota will be served with those two extra servings in any case. But with you, we go hungry with two helpings less.” On my part, I explained  the theory and conviction behind my blunt and matter-of-fact way of serving, which others have gotten used to by now.

As for looking after the guest, my husband believes that the guest, however familiar or closely related he may be, must be escorted to the loo whenever he or she expresses a desire to visit this sacred shrine! All my pleadings that people, particularly frequent visitors, are familiar with the box-like topography of our 60X40 house and are not likely to get lost, fall on deaf ears. No, the moment a visitor stands up expresses his wish to visit the loo, Ramu expects me to get up too, with alacrity, and escort the visitor to the right place, wait outside for them to finish, and bring them back to the drawing room. His argument is that an unescorted guest might mistake some other room for the loo! Is this a hint towards my housekeeping skills?

When my son built his house upstairs, visitors to our house would be interested in seeing the modern construction of his house. Once, one of them went up, saw the house, and came down the stairwell. Having promptly lost his bearings, he could not find his way back to our drawing room.
As usual, my husband sent me to help him out. Conditioned to my husband’s training, I assumed that the gentleman wanted to visit the loo. I even explained to my totally uncomprehending guest that the bathroom under the stairs was an Indian one and that if he wanted the western type, he should follow me. I led the acquiescing gentleman to the western bathroom and waited for him outside.

Our guest was totally at loss. He just stood there. He did not make any indication of wanting to use the loo, not even that of closing the bathroom door. Finally, he managed to blurt out, “I wanted to go back to your drawing room.” Controlling my imploding laughter with  great effort, I managed to take him back to my husband in the drawing room, like a gracious hostess.