Different snores

Show me a person who claims that he or she does not snore or never will, and I will show that he/she’s a liar. Yes, there are some who have got their snore areas bottoxed with expensive silencing devices but I am not talking about them. Time was when even I laid claim to be a non-snorer only to be caught with my pants, er, nose down when I started getting elbow kicks on my ribs from my partner(s). I must confess that I dish out similar reciprocity to the fellow snorers.

That said, snorers come in many categories depending on their decibel level, tonal variety, nasal frequency and their nuisance scale. My most recent experience was on board aircraft when the guy next to me starting out roaring the jet engines in a climb mode. The nudges from the air hostess did not help except that his face would shift from one side to another. Nothing changed even at the parking bay and to move from window seat to the aisle meant a hurdle jump for me.

Although snorers have a wide range but I can’t think of a better way than to describe them in category of clouds. Some snore gently at low key like stratus clouds, straight and even with hardly any kinks in them. They sound like they are chanting ‘Budham sharnam gachhami’ and instead of disturbing, they produce the same effect as mama’s lullaby.

Yet another is like cumulous clouds that starts with light gurgle, gradually builds up in louder and louder thunder only to wake up both the bed partner and the snorer. Don’t be surprised if they ask you ‘What did you say?’ when you were dealing with your own shocked arousal.

Cumulonimbus variety starts with the same proforma as the cumulous except that it brings lightning and rain along. The snorer ends with a sound of phew that leaves a wet spray on those close to them. The recommended strategy is to do a 180 degree turn in your bed.
Having come across so many sitting snorers in audience, I start my speaking assignments with a precondition. I tell the participants that while it was alright for them to shake their watches to see whether they are still working and even doze but snoring was no-no condition unless they are willing to get a rap on their heads with my speaking notes.

I started with an airborne snorer; let me end with a permanently grounded one. I was positioned next to this one in a meditation centre dormitory, where speech, touch or even gestures are not allowed. The bell would ring loud and clear for us to get up for us to get ready and proceed to the meditation hall. Bell or no bell, my bunk neighbour would continue with his procedure.

The only thing the servers could do was to bring a small cattle bell and sound it close to his ears with no success and they would give up. He bunked his way through major portion of the time. Anyone seen a sleepwalking snorer? Don’t rule out the possibility.

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