Single but not solitary

Nuclear families

It is fun to ask people about their perceptions of only children. Half of them paint pictures of selfish, spoilt brats who have been pampered and babied much longer than necessary while the other half (probably single children themselves) tells the travails of not having siblings to play with and being the focus of your parent’s undivided attention.

Good or bad, there is no escaping the casual patronising and slightly judgemental reaction that one gets when they confess to being an only child.

Says Sindhu Ashok K, “People are really prejudiced about single children. The words ‘selfish’ and ‘privileged’ have been something that I have heard so often in my life that I have lost count. It is not fair to generalise us this way.”

“Also, single children are often subject to a sense of loneliness that is hard to explain. This becomes more common in today’s nuclear family scenario where both parents are working and grandparents are not in the picture. This loneliness can make us feel quite insecure at times too,” she adds.

One of the most common stereotypes that such children deal with is how they don’t know how to share or socialise with others because they have always been pampered at home. But Prashanth Aradhya scoffs at such clichés. “I have been told that I am too much of an extrovert. I socialise too much! But there are times when I would have liked to have someone around me; it was during a low point in my career that I felt this need the most. But otherwise, I love being a single child because everything is mine. I don’t mind being called selfish at these times,” he says, laughing.

“When you have an older sibling, there is always someone to guide you and help out. In my case, I have always made my own decisions and learnt by the trial-and-error method,” says Akshay S V.

 “It can get lonely sometimes and you feel how nice it would be to have a brother or sister who always has your back, no matter what. But then, I have a great circle of friends and they have become my family now,” he states.

There is a feeling that only children tend to have over-protective parents. But the smart ones know how to use this to their advantage and make the maximum use of being the only baby in the house. “I think all children learn the tricks of the trade early on in life,” laughs Sindhu. “I have the confidence of being able to manage anywhere, anytime because I have had to do that since childhood,” says Suma Ganesh, a single child and now the mother of a single child too.

“True, my parents were there with me but there are times when I have had to do things on my own because I did not have any companions. So it gave me the courage to face the world on my own. My child is also in the same situation and while I do wonder about the camaraderie that she will miss sharing with her siblings, I don’t think being an only child has many cons. I can think of many more disadvantages of having siblings,” she says, laughing.

As someone once said, “being an only child means you are the oldest, the youngest and the one in the middle. That means thrice the fun.” One can imagine a lot of people agreeing to this.