To divulge secrets or not!

But in reality, could keeping a few secrets from your ‘significant’ other actually be in everyone’s best interest?

“Certainly!” say people in the City who also believe that, “Secrets have been a key element in many break-ups. Therefore, until you reach a certain comfort level and establish that you and your partner are together for the long haul, you are probably better off keeping a few things under wraps. It also helps to keep some element of mystery going in a relationship, otherwise it tends to become a tad too staid and predictable.”

Jennifer Abraham, a working mom, says. “There are no black and white scenarios in life and a lot depends on the secret itself. Sometimes keeping a few indiscretions from the past, which have no bearing on the present, may be wise as revealing them will only cause unnecessary hurt or aggravation.”

She adds, “When you are starting out in a new relationship, don’t pretend to be someone you are not. Just reveal things about yourself in small doses and at appropriate times until you are on solid ground.”

“You need to differentiate between ‘Spill’ secrets that can seriously affect your future if your partner accidentally finds out and harmless little ‘secrets’ that give you wiggle room in a relationship and do not involve outright lies,” says recently married Nikesh Noronha.

“Secrets can vary from silly things like buying a gift or setting up a surprise party. It can also be something a little more dicey like sneaking a cigarette at work when you said you would quit,” he says.

“Discretion is important in any scenario committed or otherwise,” says Lumina D’Sa, a working professional. “You should know which secrets to hold back and which ones to not. Also be aware of sensitive ways to finally tell your secrets, when you think the time is right. Remember that secrets can hurt, so you need to always think how would you like them to be handled if you were at the receiving end.”

Amita Bala, a relationship counsellor, says, “Secrets are very case sensitive and there is no single answer. Be very careful about holding secrets that may irrevocably impact your relationship like debts or medical conditions. Maybe, a gambling problem or even substance abuse. People tend to keep secrets because they are
embarrassed or fearful of a partner’s hostility and possible rejection. Being rejected, scorned, or stigmatised does not help anyone work through a serious problem.”

She advises, “Revealing secrets can reduce stress, help one let go of an issue and think about it more clearly. On the other hand, if some embarrassing episode from your history is long past and has no impact on your life today, you could consider keeping your lips sealed.”