Matchmaker matchmaker catch me a catch

It is a truth, universally acknowledged, that the majority of unions in the world are arranged marriages (or deranged marriages, as some cynics of matrimony may say).

In her novels, Jane Austen made a literary career out of ‘arranged love marriages’. And now there’s Sima Aunty of Mumbai making a TV career out of Indian Matchmaking. Its recent Emmy nomination will add fresh masala to the chai that she sips in lavish homes of anxious NRI parents (who swear by their own adherence to traditional arranged marriages). All that their phoren-accented gorgeous daughter has to do is ‘compromise and adjust’ with any of the sheaves of printouts that a beaming Sima Aunty has brought — of eligible, even if not entirely edible, Indian guys seeking Indian gals.

What with Austens and Aunties, one is inclined to believe that matchmaking is entirely a female preserve. Well, not so. Consider Valentine, the legendary 3C Roman priest who even acquired sainthood; uniting lovers and performing secret marriages, when Emperor Claudius outlawed marriage (as single men made better soldiers). To him is owed so much of dating and mating on Valentine’s Day every year.

Going further back into mythology, there’s our own male God of Love Kama, and his quiver-full of mischievous arrows. Much like the Greek boy-cherub Cupid, piercing hearts to get things going with lovestruck beings.

Flash-forward to 2012. It took three good men: Rad, Mateen and Badeen to start Tinder and sweep (or rather swipe) the modern matching and dating market. Closer home, a young Boston techie Anupam Mittal realised that while marriages are made in heaven, it requires angels, or rather angel investors to make couples on earth meet up — so he founded Shaadi.com which proudly claims to have initiated a record 3.5 million marriages so far.

Royal weddings have relied on matchmakers to keep the blue blood flowing — lest there be unworthy dalliances with ‘commoners’. Harry may have raised royal eyebrows with his coloured preference, but William did the monarchy proud with Kate, his upper-classy-mate.

The other royalty we all dearly love is Hollywood and Bollywood. Social media is full of gushing claims by matchmakers who’ve brought celebrity couples together. Priyanka Chopra and Nick Jonas met when Ralph Lauren personally dressed both to kill for the 2017 MetGala. It was a short walk soon after, from the ramp to the aisle.

But the Kama of Bollywood is Karan Johar. With coffee (or rather Koffee) as a possible aphrodisiac, KJo ‘manifests unions’ with guest stars at his TV shows. Blockbuster couplings include Vicky Kaushal-Katrina Kaif, Sidharth Malhotra-Kiara Advani, Ranbir Kapoor-Alia Bhat; all lovingly Instagrammed for us by the romantic matchmaker.

Curious to know how the young in my neighbourhood viewed the mating game these days — what with multiple dating sites available at their fingertips, I asked around if Sima Aunty types were still thrust at them by their parents. “Of course! All the time,” replied my pretty walking partner Natasha. “But I prefer online matchmaking and dating. Deleting someone with a single click is less painful than a long and exhausting breakup!”

(He Said/She Said is a monthly column on gender issues — funny side up. Reach the author at [e-mail])