Marriage is a freedom of choice

What does it feel like to not have the choice of marriage available to you by law or discrimination based on sexuality? Mohnish Malhotra believes no reason, mindset, or argument is enough to justify this gross violation

An individual on attaining majority is statutorily conferred a right to choose a partner, which if denied would not only affect his/her human right but also his/her right to life and personal liberty guaranteed under Article 21 of the Constitution of India. One of the other aspects of this Article is the Right to Social Security & Protection of the Family. The Supreme Court has described this right as “the heart of the fundamental rights.” This is not based on just morality; it is the birthright of every citizen of the country. Despite this, we find ourselves in a situation where these rights are denied to the members of the LGBTQIA+ community in India on so many levels. No reason, mindset, or argument is enough to justify this gross violation.

Having said that, this conversation is neither advocating nor opposing the institution of marriage as it is a personal choice. Instead, the idea is to explore what it feels like to not have that choice available to you by law or discrimination based on sexuality. You don’t suppose this kind of imposition is the source of happiness for the queer folks? Or does it play its fair part in adding on to the anger, shame, depression, and suppression? Whatever the purpose of the policies and law may be, if it doesn’t include everyone’s welfare and maintains separation, what good can come out of it? What is our (LGBTQIA+) future in India? These are some of the questions I often ponder upon. This is an ongoing query that requires persistence inside the courtroom and on the streets, as well as in our daily lives.

From meeting his partner Daniel Bauer at a bar almost eight years ago to tying the knot, starting a family and being happily settled in Mumbai, Tyrone Braganza says, “There was a spark at first sight and I instantly wanted to know him more but didn’t know how. Towards the end of the night, I saw Daniel talking to someone I knew and mustered the courage to ask for his number from the acquaintance. Did I know I was going to marry him then? No,” recalls Tyrone.

They both had to go through the trials and tribulations that are part of starting any relationship, work it out through their journey, and ease into the space where this “creationship” was possible. I call it “creationship” on purpose because this was a step they were both willing to take even if it meant going beyond the norms and choosing what works for them. Tyrone, for a significant period, worked on a cruise ship and Daniel is a celebrity makeup artist catering to Bollywood celebrities like Kareena Kapoor Khan, Priyanka Chopra, and Katrina Kaif to name a few.

The wedding was in July 2019 and the couple chose a church ceremony in Frankfurt, Germany since Bauer holds a German passport followed by an Indian big bash in Goa. “I had to make some professional changes to spend more time with my husband,” explains Tyrone. Currently, he works as an advocate for the LGBTQIA+ community with a key focus on talent recruitment and executive training. The Supreme court verdict in September 2018 was helpful too as it brought more ease to the elders and family friends. They were both prepared to go ahead despite the status quo on Article 377.

We might be a minuscule minority in India still and couples like Bauer & Braganza are setting an example for what is truly possible once you set your mind to it. The story would be incomplete without mentioning the third and newest member of the BB family, a baby girl called named Avisha or the princess to two proud daddies.

Here is celebrating the strength and courage of this inspiring family, while wishing them a great future. To sum it up for now, here is an amazing quote by author and relationship expert Simone Milasas, “If you knew you couldn’t fail, would you stop choosing?”

(The author is an activist and life coach.)