Throw pillows & the catch

Did you know Baba Ramdev has a face cream that can help you get rid of both ‘pimpals’ and ‘rinkals’? Little confused. At what age would one have pimples and wrinkles at the same time? Beats me.

I’m at home, picking such trivia from the television because my trips to the mall have rendered me penniless. If I had the money, I would be out in the sun getting ‘pimpals’ and ‘rinkals’, and also the creams to cure them. Yes, rich women are out there shopping with a vengeance. They are wearing Shakuntala Habibi or some such designer brand.

(Note to self: if turning a designer, make sure to change name to Rachna Soloveitchik. It is important to have a mix of two-three nationalities in one name to sound designer-like.)

Every morning when they wake up, the money stares into their face, making them so cagey, so confused. The load on their shoulders is killing! How many more wallpapers and furniture can they change? All that interior work gives Pasquale an allergy. He gets this itch on his nose. Plus, his eyes water. The vet says it’s not because of his salmon-and-watermelon diet, but because of the strong fumes of the emulsion.

They are also done with redoing the garden — there are decorative pots hanging from hooks in the arbour’s roof, the fence and the wrists of the woman they’d hired to sit there dangling pots. ‘Human add-ons really add to the visual warmth.’

‘So true, I have a Moroccon given that my garden is Moroccon-themed. Would you believe it — his visa expired last month. Imagine the hell I’m going through!’

And, how many beauty salon visits can they make? Especially with Baba warning them about all those creams made with harmful ‘kaemikals’. Thankfully, just when they were running out of ideas of what to do with their time and money, along came a brilliant solution — throw pillows. These are cute, frilly, pretty decorative pillows. Oblong, square, round. Different patterns. They can be customised to match your wallpaper/velvet slippers/eye-shadow. What are they used for?

Well, nothing. That’s the cardinal rule: you don’t use throw pillows. They have to be neatly arranged on the bed when ther’re not being used. And, when you need to use the bed, you have to remove them and place them elsewhere — on an ornate storage bench, or in your cupboard. Or, you can hire a Moroccan to sit in a corner and hold them.

That is, if you are not too uncomfortable having him watch you sleep. Or whatever you do in that bed.