Beyond rings and vows: Can marriage escape patriarchy's grip?

Bengaluru: Traditionally, marriage has been seen as a way to enforce male dominance, with unequal power for men and women. But today, activists are fighting this idea.

They say marriage is not just about love, it is also about politics and put forth the idea that love and sex should not automatically mean getting married.

Human rights activist Akkai Padmashali commented on the idea at an inter-movement dialogue held last week at Alternative Law Forum.  

Speaking on "The Politics of Love and Marriage", Akkai pointed out how patriarchy subtly influences our relationships, blurring the lines between love and power imbalances.

Akkai acknowledged that marriage is fundamentalist by nature. "Regardless of its feudal nature, trans people want to marry for the identity it gives them, through rings and a mangalsutra," she added. The identity gives individuals a sense of belongingness missing from the trans people’s lives, she said.

In response, women’s activist Mamatha Yajaman said marriage tends to make the recessive partners live in a “make-believe” world. It gives them the impression that marriage is a panacea for all troubles.

Kesthara Mourya, assistant professor at Dr Babasaheb Ambedkar Technological University, spoke about how the Constitution of India diluted the myths propagated by Manusmriti.

She said, "The Constitution gave women, who were often treated as possessions by men, the power to question the injustices happening to them. As a society, we have come a long way, but we still cannot fully agree on the idea that every marriage will have an element of love in it. Without love, we cannot fight patriarchy."

Poet and writer Dadapeer Jayman offered his take on the various forms patriarchy can take within marriage. He argued that while the power struggle between husband and wife might be the most obvious phase, it's just one facet of a larger issue.

"Regardless of one's caste and religion, patriarchy comes out as a single dominant idea that exploits the rights of the vulnerable partner. No matter whether they are Dalits, Muslims or Brahmins, patriarchy still acts as a destructive mechanism," he said.

In dissecting the politics of love, marriage and sexuality, the floor concluded that marriage is a fundamental right as much as it is a personal choice.

Musician and gender-rights activist Rumi Harish moderated the session.