Zen and the art of relationship maintenance

KINSHIP GUIDE

 Your relationship with your Harley Davidson could very well be indicative of your bond with everyone. A little touch up can help in revving up a lost relationship, and get you purring down the highway of life, says Reethika Azariah Kuruvilla.

Now that the warm rumble of the original Harley Davidson is finally going to make itself heard on Indian roads, it gets me thinking about how much of maintenance it would need to actually keep that Harley looking as good as it does the second it steps out of the showroom. Come to think of it, your relationship with your Harley could very well be indicative of your relationship with everyone, who has ever meant more than a fifth glance, as you’ve driven through those sometimes rough unpaved hairpin bends that the roads of life present.

Your relationship with your two-wheeler is often no way easier than it is with long-lost friends from college or school, siblings, spouse or parents.  Zen might not be an authority on how to move a bike that has been stuck at the back of your garage all through the monsoons, but neither can complete meditation and focus with your mind and body take you through the perils of that amazing mountain called social networking.

Let’s face it, in the face of some staggeringly effective internet-based social media today, you know you’re calling a real friend when you dial that number and you continue a conversation that you feel ended a few minutes ago (even if it’s taken you nearly a dozen years to call). You know your relationship is easy when you don’t have to make an effort at texting or calling ever so often just so that the other person doesn’t forget you exist.  It’s easy to figure out who your ‘close’ friends are when you can plan a week-long holiday visit with no advance notice.

However, if you feel your relationships seem to be stumbling along the way, all it takes is a little touch-up and a little paint.  A motorcycle is not so different after all, or so it seems.  Here’s a quick checklist to keep your relationships, with your motorcycle included, purring down that highway.

*Look after that main chain.  As important as your greasing your main chain and sprocket on your bike is, sometimes the main chain in your relationship is nothing more than an open communication line.  Make sure you inform close friends and cousins when you change your number or you plan to relocate.  Find out if things are okay with them when you see that odd ‘status message’ that might be indicative of something rough they could be going through, text if you must. Keeping up with technology does have its advantages — stay up-to-date with free messaging applications and join family groups just so that you know what is going on with the rest of the people you care about. Always remember to keep that main line functioning so that you have someone to call in a new city and your family and friends always know you’re around when they need you.

* Battery life.  As with the heart of every matter, a healthy battery goes a long way in prolonging the life of your motorcycle.  Think as much with your head as you do with your heart. Let go of old grudges and resentment that tend, so often, to crowd out nicer more peaceful thoughts. You only live once, and there is usually a reason people meet you at any point in your life.  Sometimes letting go is the easiest way to move on in a relationship. Try and remember the pleasanter memories of everybody around you and you’ll find it easier to keep smiling through the day.

* Grease those brakes and control levers.  Keep your good friends close, and ‘unfriend’ your enemies.  Face facts, you are not really the mafia. There actually is no point thinking you are Michael Corleone and keeping your enemies closer.  In the real world, if you feel someone seems to be giving you the evil eye or is not really a positive influence on how you perceive the world, move away. This isn’t really high school where you have to force yourself to be lab partners with someone who doesn’t necessarily look out for your best interests.

*Clean and wash away all that grime. Get rid of the muck and ill-will that sometimes tends to stick to our main relationships.  Old fights are just that, old. No point rehashing the past and bringing up old arguments. Start each argument afresh if you must, and don’t keep dragging you and your partner back into the pit that began all your arguing in the first place.  It’s always a good thing to start anew on a clean slate.

*Zen has as much to do with the maintenance of motorcycles as it does with relationships. An uncluttered mind, and an acknowledgement that we all end life the same way, can take you quite a distance without minor arguments and age-old grudges for reasons you may not be able to remember. There’s much to be said about the man who can carpe his ‘diems’ with good relationships, choosing those who matter and still staying nice to those who don’t.

*As Chris Rhea’s famous slide guitar told us once, try “standing by the river, where the water doesn’t flow” and get rid of all that poison you can think of. This is not necessarily the ‘road to hell’, but the road to a certainly more peaceful and happier existence.  So go ahead, free your mind and the rest will follow.  Let’s hear that thunderous purr of your happy motorcycle engine as you speed through the freeways of your life.