Doctor-prescribed hearing aid

I am an 87-year-old retired engineer. Having worked in very noisy steel plants in my earlier life or due to old age creeping in, I have become deaf in my left ear. Five years ago, I befriended an ENT surgeon. This surgeon had the reputation for cracking jokes with unsuspecting patients. I was aware of this.

I went to meet him to get a solution for my hearing problem. I was put through series of tests. Then I had to go through the consultation when I was told about some missing bone within my ear due to which my hearing was impaired. When I asked about the missing bone, I was told that it gets dissolved, and the fluid would have been absorbed in my body fluids. I did not realise, then, that the surgeon was pulling my leg!

Now the question of a hearing aid came up. According to the doctor, there were three types of hearing aids ie. standard, deluxe and super deluxe. The price range was Rs 15,000, Rs 20,000/ and — hold your breath — Rs 50 to Rs 80 for the super deluxe model.

This strange price for the super deluxe model was rather intriguing. The doctor told me that the price was deliberately kept low so that all classes of patients would benefit. Then he volunteered to show one piece.

This unit consisted of one soft earplug to which two thin bright coloured wires were attached. When anyone mounts the earplug in his ear, the hanging wires are visible to everyone. They would naturally assume that the wearer is deaf. This prompts them to shout to make the poor deaf person listen! The decibel level goes up to make the deaf patient hear and wonder why everyone is shouting at him!

A clever ploy indeed! And I did not require any hearing aid!