Heard of the goat that scratched an itch on a sword and got beheaded?

Sanskrit literature, even in its most technical genre of philosophical commentary, is filled with lively laukika nyayas or popular maxims that draw from life experience. These maxims are often used to illustrate the opponent’s errors in reasoning, or to simply draw a comparison to the situation on hand. In a grim world filled with depressing news about the pandemic and fake news that is often funny, I figured we could use some popular maxims ourselves. Some maxims are well-known, like the one about six blind men who try to decide what an elephant looks like and end up with completely different views when they each touch its trunk, legs, and so on. Others, although very witty, are virtually unknown.

Our first anti-fake news maxim is about a goat and a sword. There was once a goat tied to a post with a sword hanging before it. The poor goat stretched out its neck to scratch an itch and ended up beheaded by the sword. Another similar one about a crow on a branch. A crow, which weighs very little, happens to sit on a branch, and the branch breaks at that very moment. This does not mean that the crow broke the branch; only that it was a coincidence. Moral? Coincidences need not be mistaken for miracles, divine intervention, or for deep cosmic causal patterns.

The maxim of the Ashoka grove tells us about randomness. When Ravana kidnapped Sita, he could have confined her in any grove in his kingdom. Why did he confine her in an Ashoka grove? There is no accounting for why someone picks one out of many options, and it’s best not to waste time explaining why x and not y. This is for the few not taking the coronavirus seriously, because they don’t personally know anyone affected by it. “It can’t be that bad, because no one I know has contracted the virus.” Let us hope it stays that way, but we need to take precautions anyway.

If you want to explain the stance of all our politicians on any issue when they are in the opposition party versus when they are in the ruling party, think of the maxim of the mother-in-law and the mendicant. When a mendicant comes begging to the front door, the daughter-in-law sends him away, refusing to give him alms. The mother-in-law invites the mendicant back, simply to contradict her daughter-in-law, and then, guess what, she turns him away herself! Whether the mother-in-law is in charge or the daughter-in-law, the poor mendicant does not get any alms, but the two still choose to vocalise their disagreement on every issue.

Do you know someone who always tries to find shortcuts and ends up expending more money and effort than if they did the thing properly in the first place? You can tell them the maxim of the miser making his daughter-in-law measure out grain. The story goes that there was once a miserly man who hated all forms of charity. Unfortunately for him, the scriptures dictate that one must give a certain number of handfuls of grain to anyone who asks for food at the front door before one can sit down for a meal. The miser’s wife completed this task every day, and the miser was always unhappy with how much grain he had to give away. He was delighted when his son married a young woman with small hands! Now, she could measure out the handful of grains, and his loss would be lesser. He entrusted her with the task. Predictably, plenty of men who needed no alms came along dressed as beggars simply to meet the young daughter-in-law. The miser had to give away much more grain than before!

We can come up with plenty of maxims ourselves. If I might make a suggestion, how about the maxim of Prathap and the drone? It could be shorthand for: Don’t take your lies so far that you get enough media attention to expose them as lies!