On twisties and ceiling fans

“I have got twisties!”

I declared, spouting my new found knowledge of Olympic jargon, to a very irritated wife. And I was hoping that she would not know what I am saying and get concerned that I have got some mysterious ailment. She had been asking, requesting, pleading and demanding that I clean the ceiling fans.

I must tell you about the ceiling fan in our bedroom. It is white and closer to the sky than to the floor. Every time you lie on the bed and look up in the distant space, the fan stares at you with distinct patches of black dirt on the sides of each blade. How dirt manages to reach there is one of those mysteries I have no clue about. I had said, “look, the home construction company does not want us to clean the fan which is why they have put the fan so high up.” That did not convince her.

Hence the new tactical excuse. Not too sure if she understood what I was saying, I repeated, “I have got twisties.”

Simon, she said (since when did Simon Biles become my wife’s friend? Simon indeed, on first name basis!) got "the twisties" after having won 30 Olympic and World championship medals. “How many have you won?”

Well, I had to admit that I had won no medals. That was because, I thought to myself, I had not participated in the Olympics — otherwise you never know. But, never one to accept defeat, I pointed out that one did not need to win medals to get the twisties.

“Will you please do it?” she asked. “And if you don’t want to do it, don’t. I will get it done through the gardener when he comes next.”

A man’s ego certainly gets hurt when he realises that he is not indispensable. So I went across to my neighbour and borrowed a ladder which goes up to the sky and gingerly got up, step by fearful step. I did not dare look down as I cleaned the fan. And I learnt to appreciate the supreme strength, training and courage it takes for the gymnasts to do the things which they do.

The fan, for now, is sparkling clean. I shall try and convince my wife that we should get black-coloured ceiling fans. They would contrast beautifully with the white ceiling. And they would not need cleaning. Or so I believe.