JOIN USThe dating game: Single-parent edition
Dating is hard. Online dating is harder still. Online dating as a single parent? Almost impossible. But it’s not all bad news. The attitude towards online dating in India has shifted considerably.
In a recent study published in the Indian Journal of Health, Sexuality and Culture, 90 per cent of participants reacted positively toward online dating. And a large majority were looking for long-term, stable relationships.
However, a recent survey by dating app QuackQuack also showed the percentage of single parents willing to date is less than half. This statistic seems grimmer when you consider that the people surveyed were between the ages of 28 and 38.
“Companionship without judgement is the dream. But as a single woman, people on dating apps assume you’re looking for someone younger,” said Preeti, a marketing professional in her thirties who is working out of Noida, Uttar Pradesh. Talking about the pitfalls of dating as a single mother, she said the stigma young single mothers face is a significant reason they stay out of the dating scene.
Forty-one per cent of the single mothers surveyed confessed that they had refrained from acting on a crush because of their kids. Almost an equal number said they don’t date because of societal judgement. They’re afraid petty gossip might harm how their children are treated in school or college.
“The preference is for someone without kids. There are already too many complications in dating as a single mother, another kid is one more factor to worry about,” said Preeti.
The advent of dating apps has been a game-changer of sorts. But it has its fair share of problems. Bots and fake profiles are serious issues. People who have been out of the dating scene for an extended period are easier targets for these scammers. Single parents on dating apps aren’t looking for a fun date; they’re looking for companionship. And though younger people might find it easy to ignore these fake profiles, being solicited can very quickly prevent someone from taking their first steps into online dating.
Vivek, an IT professional working remotely from Ranchi, illustrates how frustrating dating in a tier 2 city can be.
“Living in Ranchi as a recently divorced man with a six-year-old kid, you don’t see many people like you,” said Vivek. “Because of the intense social stigma, meeting someone in person is completely out of the question. Divorce is rare in a small city, and combined with judgemental neighbours, it’s almost impossible to meet someone in person.”
Half of the single parents surveyed in the QuackQuack survey admitted to facing judgement from friends, family and most importantly, their kids. Additionally, the fear of being rejected by potential partners is very strong. This is especially true for single dads. Thirty-two per cent of the men surveyed disclosed facing rejection because they have kids. There is an instant minimum level of commitment when a kid is involved. Combined with the lack of spontaneity, this level of commitment makes kids a significant deal-breaker for many people.
But the scene has gotten better. Of the people surveyed, the 40 per cent that kept space for themselves and went on dates reported positive experiences. Once the initial fear and discomfort pass, kids become supportive, and a new lease on life might be available. Letting yourself be an individual is better for you, but it might be better for the kids too.