In the grip of a shadow pandemic

The pandemic-era has been a period of unfathomable agony for victims of physical and emotional abuse. Staying indoors did not assure safety but posed risks to life, writes Anupama Ramakrishnan

Sudha (name changed), a mother of two daughters, was constantly abused by her husband, an auto driver. With not enough work for him, he turned to alcohol, and soon, he was addicted to it. He became short-tempered and started physically and emotionally abusing his wife and kids at the drop of a hat. Sudha was beaten and assaulted day after day. When Sudha came to clinical psychologist Maya Nair, she was having suicidal thoughts.

Covid-19, by all accounts, has been providing fertile grounds for domestic violence to grow. In fact, the pandemic-era has been a period of unfathomable agony for victims of physical and emotional abuse. Staying indoors did not assure safety but posed risks to life. For the victims, home seemed a more dangerous place to be in.

Bindu Bai, a counsellor and therapist based in Bengaluru, informed that cases of domestic violence have risen to more than 20 per day compared to pre-Covid days. “However, people are reaching out for help now,” she said. The surge in cases, meanwhile, is only highlighting a malady that has been persisting in the society for long.

After Covid-19 broke out, Maya said there was an unexpected shift in the lifestyle of a vast majority of the population and various reports show that all types of violence and abuse increased during this time. “UN has reported it as a ‘shadow pandemic’ amidst Covid-19 crises,” she said.

Latha (name changed), who is in her 40s, was constantly assaulted by her husband which left the right side of her body paralysed. “During counselling, I came to know that her husband was from a broken family and had gone through a lot of physical, emotional, and mental torture from his father and brother,” recalled Bindu.

Confined inside the four walls of the home, in the company of numerous issues, working from home acts as a trigger for many cases of domestic violence. “The pandemic and lockdown have created a lot of changes in our society,” Maya said.

She pointed out that abuse and violence will be more whenever there is a scarcity of services and facilities.

“Reported cases of domestic violence and abuse have increased during the lockdown period and even afterwards. It involves a pattern of psychological, physical, sexual, financial, and emotional abuse,” she said.

When the lockdown happened, Tina (name changed) and her husband, both software professionals, moved back to their native place unable to afford the rent in their city of work. They started working from home. Soon enough conflicts became a norm. It aggravated with time. When Tina came to Maya, she was experiencing symptoms of depression.

“Tina said her in-laws would observe her critically; her mother-in-law would reprimand and insult her in front of others. The entire family neglected her suggestions and opinions. She was emotionally abused by the family because she was not in a position to come out of the relation. She became extremely upset and couldn’t focus on her work,” recollected Maya.

Domestic abuse is, however, not restricted to low-income families. “Domestic violence is a learned behaviour. It is not caused by a single factor and there are various reasons for it,” she said. Some of the reasons for this violent behaviour can be traced to “Insecurity and inferiority, to show power and control over one’s partner, self-centred behaviour, learned experiences, social learning like patriarchal thoughts and its influence, family values, and attitudes towards men and women,’’ Maya said.

Although not so common, domestic abuse against elderly parents is also prevalent.

“It is there, though the cases are few,” Bindu said.

Maya recalled the case of an elderly mother, who had been diagnosed with OCD. “Due to her obsession and compulsive acts, she used to spend a lot of time in the bathroom. She stays with her youngest daughter and family. The daughter and her husband beat her up every day for the compulsive act and for wasting water. Sometimes, they even blocked the entire water supply. The mother was really upset because she cannot resist her obsessive thoughts about cleaning,” she recollected.

Bindu explained that “elderly parents are sometimes made to feel unworthy. And there are a few elderly people who are bedridden, who are constantly abused verbally and not given the support they need”.

While many victims never get the help they need or never reach out for help, helplines, shelters, and family counselling offer the panacea they require.

The reasons for domestic violence, Bindu added, depends on the abuser’s background and “it includes their childhood as well as the environment they have grown up in, their life experience, their unhealed, unheard baggage which was not addressed nor had proper healing.”