JOIN USManaged anger can change the world
Before going to one’s boss, employees are keen to know about his mood. They are worried whether he/she is in an angry mood. The boss tends to think that the louder he shouts at his subordinates the more right he is. But in reality it is not so, employees merely respect his chair & are not comfortable with his behaviour.
Anger breaks relationships, it turns friends into enemies and it destroys our physical and mental health. It affects our personal, family, social and work life. It leads to violence, injury, misery and regrets. Psychologists say it’s not wrong to get angry. It is just one of the many human emotions and it is better to express our feelings than to control them. Anger has to be managed not controlled. If not managed, it can ruin our career, our relationships and our lives.
Here are some ways to control our anger:
* Boost your self-esteem
Developing self-esteem is the best way to manage our anger. If managed well, anger can be used to change the world, because it will help us to stand courageously for what is right, just and human. Low self-esteem is the cause of unhappiness, reduced production, depression, employee turnovers, unjust criticisms, etc. Such people are easily prone to rage and anger because they are basically unhappy people and nothing will make them happy unless they choose to be happy. They blame others for all the wrongs in the world but never move their fingers to correct any of the problems. Dissatisfaction and regrets are the result of low self-esteem. To live a happy & productive life we need to accept, respect and love our subordinates.
* Heal yourself
We go around trying to correct everyone else except ourselves. But we need to cure ourselves first. The first step to cure anger is to realise that we are the cause of our anger.
We need to go within ourselves and discover the real cause, which is in us. We need to find out what makes us angry. It may be our past experiences, our prejudices or our selfish interests. We must learn to handle our emotions ourselves. We carry with us our anger and we find fault with everybody hurting people around us and alienating ourselves in the process. No one can make us angry except ourselves just as no one can make us happy except ourselves. When we are healed we will begin to respect, accept and love others and ourselves. It will help us to tackle & deal with our opponent in a healthy and win-win manner. We are angry because people and situations do not change as we wish. We are not in control of the nature, the universe, the events, and people but we are in control of ourselves. We can initiate change in ourselves and when we do this we change the world. When you change and give people time to change your anger will disappear.
* Never react suddenly
When you are angry, close your eyes and breath in and out slowly and rhythmically for a few minutes to relax and you will surprise yourself to see that your anger is gone and that you are able to handle the situation much better without harming yourself and your opponent in any way. Never react to situations suddenly. Take time and discover the root of the problem and become proactive in handling such situations. When you are angry count ten before you speak.
* Be calm & listen
When you really listen to your opponent and you will get to the root cause of your anger.
We must also learn to express ourselves calmly even when things are wrong.
* Communicate politely
Lack of proper communication skills aggravates anger. Pent up feelings and suppressed emotions will erupt like uncontrollable volcanoes. Talking freely to people especially those whom we trust is a good way to manage our anger.
* Forgive & forget
Things can go wrong for any one. Forgiveness is one of the best ways to cure your anger. The world today needs people who are ready to forgive and forget. Anger makes us small while forgiveness makes us grow beyond what we actually are. It gives us back our friends, our laughter and our lives. Anger will disappear and life will be fun only when the thoughts of resentments are forgiven and forgotten.
* Believe others
Believe others and you will never be angry. Have confidence in others. We often become slaves of our anger instead of conquering it. For every minute we are angry we lose sixty seconds of happiness. Our minds can’t think clearly when we are angry. Look at people to discover their goodness and not their faults; believe them and we will conquer our anger.
* Become friendly
Anger is afraid of humility. We must become humble enough to accept our mistakes, our limitations and be ready to tolerate the drawbacks and limitations of others. Become humble, seek help and say sorry if you don’t want to have regrets in life.
Anger is associated with frustration. Frustration is the result of unrealistic expectations from yourself and others. This frustration breeds rage and turns into violence. Accept your limitations; accept that you can’t do everything; accept that others too can’t do everything.
* Have some fun
Fun-loving people are seldom angry. They find fun and joy in any situation. Listening to music, watching a movie, exercising, meditating, developing our talents, etc can help us to manage our anger.
Let me conclude this article with golden words of Aristotle, “Anybody can become angry, that is easy; but to be angry with the right person, and to the right degree, and at the right time, and for the right purpose, and in the right way, that is not within everybody’s power and is not easy.”
The writer is a Head (human resources) & IR at L&T Komatsu Ltd