Come what may, mommy can do it all...

Parenting is tough. It always has been. Today, women have finally learnt to bid adieu to abusive relationships. But singlehood is dreadful, almost scary. For divorce is not simply the fate of a couple, it becomes a reality to the child involved. It proves daunting for the mother who now, has to be the pillar of support for the child, if she is granted the wardship. Women have now plucked up courage and believe in themselves.

Enter the world of single mothers. Trying to keep what resembles a career, footing the bills, trying to play both mom and dad, all while answering uncomfortable questions, a single mom is nothing short of Wonder Woman.

The road less taken

Our society has never been easy on a woman’s career. Getting married usually means that her career flies out the window. And when divorce gatecrashes on the marriage, she is left struggling to maintain a job, handle household chores, and maintain her motherly responsibilities all at once.

Trupti Shah, a single mother of a 12 year old boy, says her confidence was almost zero when she put an end to her marriage.

“In the beginning, it was a nightmare,” she admits. “I wondered, if I could ever sail through this world with my son. But we braved it all and today, I even run my own architectural consultancy!” she says, proudly.

Shooing a nosy society

Times have changed in the past decade and the society has been greatly accepting of single mothers. But for Lakshmi Ramanathan (name changed upon request), a 66 year old retired English teacher, it was very different. It was the 70s and 80s. Divorcées were nothing short of social outcasts.

“At that time, everyone wanted me to get back to my husband. Society was not very accepting of my situation. I was alienated from most social functions. But, I had to brave that tide, and I did!” asserts Lakshmi, who leads a contended life with her family today.

Donning daddy’s role?

Burdened with guilt, the mother goes out of her way to keep her little one happy, but she finds that nothing can fill the void of an estranged father. Being a mother might come naturally to her, but she cannot be a father.

Lakshmi believes it is impossible to do multiple role plays. “I think my son always missed a father figure. I couldn't fit into those shoes,” she admits.

Self-pity, fodder for gossip

It is easy for single women to get trapped in a wallowing circle of self-pity.
Reveals Lakshmi, “When I saw happy couples, I wondered - why me? But, it is momentary. The good part is, I didn't allow that feeling to play on my mind and I let it go. I came out stronger and confident because, I was solely responsible for all my actions.”

Trupti hates pity. “Never let self-pity take over you. It is fodder for gossip in the society,” she warns.

Find your support group

Take comfort in knowing that you are not alone. If you are indeed alone, support groups will remind you that you are together in walking alone too.

You certainly need support as a single mom. But who says it’s got to be your spouse! Trupti is so glad, her marriage is behind her. “No relationship is worth if it kills your true self and your confidence. I am so glad my family backed me when I wanted to walk out of the marriage. They also helped me greatly in raising my kid.”

Single or not, there is no such thing as a ‘perfect parent’. So stop trying too hard!