Clicks for laughs

Humour

Feeling low and depressed in life? Don’t reach for your phone to call your 3 am friend. You just have to read a few profiles on matrimonial sites.

‘A highly placed sophisticated vegetarian professional seeks alliance for their extremely beautiful daughter who runs her own store and also does household chores!’ If you want to break away from the straightforward way of describing yourself, then you can surely get a few quick tips by reading profiles on various matrimonial sites. Touted to be the quickest, and probably an effective way of finding your soul mate, matrimonial sites unintentionally elicit a few laughs with strange descriptions and weird demands of some of the could-be brides and grooms.

Photoshop syndrome

As they say, a picture speaks a thousand words, and few pictures on matrimonial sites match up to their stellar description! This adage holds no relevance in today’s times with the advent of Photoshop. Gupta, a Delhi-based entrepreneur says, “Within a few days after uploading our daughter’s profile on a matrimonial site, we got a response from a ‘good-looking’ boy. When we met the boy, the definition of good-looking had taken a whole new meaning! He had a crooked nose, a squint, and buck teeth too! Needless to say, my daughter rejected the proposal, squarely blaming it on Photoshop.” Another case in point is this desperate plea by a father who had hosted his daughter’s profile on a matrimonial site — ‘We would humbly request you not to send studio photographs. We prefer normal ones.’

Soapy side up

Daily soaps seem to play a pivotal role in painting an ‘ideal’ wife’s picture in a man’s mind! Else why would scores of men on matrimonial sites seek girls who excel in cooking and other chores? The ideal bahu who exists in soaps is seldom seen in real life, but her description for sure is omnipresent on these sites. Respect for elders, good manners, cultured, knowledge of various cuisines, modern person with a traditional outlook (speak of contradictions), and the traits trail stretches on.

Sutapa Dutta Roy, a PR Professional in Mumbai, has found most of the men she has met through matrimonial sites made of double standards. “They spoke in length about being modern and broadminded, but invariably asked for my horoscope for matching purpose.”On the contrary, some men find these sites ideal for high CTC professionals. “There is paucity of vitamin M (read money) in me, so I didn’t get any positive response from prospective brides,” quips Narendirran, a corporate communications manager in Chennai.

Do away with grammar!

Sample this — ‘Hello To Viewvers My Name is Santheesha, I am single i dont have Famale, If any one whant to marrie to me u can visite to my home. I am not a good education but i working all field..Here is another pearl to lift your spirits — i am a good charactarised man. i want to run my life happily.i divorced my first wife.her charactor is not good. i expect the good minded and clean habits girl who may be in the same caste or other caste accepted.’

If you are serious about looking for a life partner, then matrimonial sites could be a godsend for you. Make the most of it by giving accurate information in meaningful sentences. And dare you even look at that Photoshop tool!