JOIN USWhen life throws lemons at us, we are told to make lemonade. For some of us, that lemonade turns out quite sweet. The secret, says SHEILA KUMAR, is a functional coping strategy.
The sink or swim analogy is the most apt one in life. Staying alive, surviving, is all about learning how to deal with everything life throws at us. Stress has become so much a part of one’s life, stressors come in so many ways and forms, that stress management today is the vital key to a good life.
Faced with the sudden flood of what the poet called vicissitudes of life, each and every one of us react in a distinctively different manner. Some of us sink, hands raised high for help. Some of us flail about madly, fighting the situation, trying to stay afloat. Still others ford the River Travail effortlessly and with clear direction of purpose.
What we all have in common though, is a coping strategy. This art of coping is sometimes instinctive, sometimes a learned or absorbed behaviour, but in all cases, it is definitely a survival skill. While the strategy itself might often differ, crisis management becomes easier if we have some resource, external or internal, which can serve as a crutch.
Some of these mechanisms are effective, others are temporary refuges, and still others consist of plain denial; as in, keep denying one has a problem and it will soon go away. These tactics are either emotional solace-givers or problem-solvers.
Life lessons
Taking time out for oneself is another trick that works. It is so easy to be completely consumed in what you are doing and miss the wood for the trees. When things get hectic, it is useful to take a step back, close one’s eyes for a few minutes, and reflect on matters. This may not always solve the problems, but it does give one a sense of balance. Coping is not always about the downside of life. It is essential to have good coping mechanisms to help us enjoy life, too. A trip to the hills or to the seaside for some essential quiet time is an energy-booster. This is further enhanced if one can spend a few minutes appreciating something, anything, and then setting an intention to experience happiness and joy through the day.
In the modern world, it is so difficult to be alone with the distractions of mobile phones, social media and the internet. One calming solution is to go to a quiet area, turn off all electronic devices and give one’s mind the opportunity to weigh things, to see things from the other people’s point of view.
Affirmative action
Many people find that sharing worries and concerns with trusted friends can be helpful, given that often a problem shared is a problem halved. Still others read and listen to spiritual books by masters who seem to have ‘got it’, in order to gain a new perspective with an open mind. Doing things one enjoys doing, watching how things enter and leave one’s life, and taking time to appreciate nature at every opportunity are all important points on the coping roster.
Even as we each create the tapestry of our lives, in times of trouble we are tempted to forget the bigger picture. When the trouble is past, we often regret the discordant thread we have woven into the picture. It is at this time that we must put down the needle and thread and take a break.
When life throws those curve balls, it helps to instinctively reach for one’s inner strength, lean on close friends, bend their ears for a bit, then go within to introspect. It also helps to go back to one’s daily business. Simply doing what needs to be done speeds up the coping process.
Last but definitely not the least, faith is possibly the biggest coping strategy for millions of people. Generally, it takes the form of a soul-nurturing perseverance that keeps the mind away from a sense of futility, builds up one’s fortitude and adds to one’s ability to endure.
In a deeply spiritual country like ours, it is difficult to discount the tangible and intangible benefits of support from spiritual gurus. They tell us to work on our attitude and build ourselves up when times are easy so that we are strong when the winds get rough. This is akin to strengthening the walls when the fort is not besieged so it can withstand the ravages of the siege that will inevitably come.