See the fine side

‘Don’t drive your horse with the whip, use the oat bag’, goes a Russian proverb. The universality of the truth in that proverb is amazing and timeless.

Psychiatrists say people have seven basic needs – significance, security, acceptance, love, discipline, praise and God. When these areas are touched and tapped into sensitively, it brings out the best in people.

There is a tribe in Africa which follows a unique method. When someone does something wrong, they take the person to the centre of the village where the entire tribe surrounds that person and for two days say all the good things that the person has done, because the tribe believes each person is good inherently, but sometimes becomes gullible and makes mistakes – which are really ‘a cry for help’. 

So, they all unite to reconnect that person to his good nature, by reminding him of his past good deeds. An old man went to a farmer and said, ‘I am sorry, I stole a rope from you a while back‘, so the farmer forgave him and sent him off, but not before saying, ‘Oh, you are such a nice man and your family always helped others, never cheated anybody!’

 That old man went home and the farmer’s words kept ringing in his ears and he couldn’t sleep. So, giving in to the prodding of his conscience he went to the farmer in the morning and told him, ‘I am sorry, I told you I stole a rope from you, but didn’t tell you there was a cow tied at its end. I brought your cow back!’ 

The farmer smiled and said, ‘I know that, but I knew that the goodness in you can be woken up by good words, from now on. Believe in your own good and be good to others.’ This seems easier said than done. But if such efforts are not taken by some then many lives will remain in the wrong.

 Time and again it has been proved that ‘when you treat people greatly, they will prove themselves in a great way; when you trust them, they will be true to you’, though there may be exceptions to the rule. But trying to change people for their betterment is an important task.

“Why don’t we use the same common sense when trying to change people that we use to change our pet dogs. Why don’t we use ‘meat’ instead of ‘whip’? Why don’t we use praise instead of condemnation? Let’s praise even the slightest improvement. That inspires one to keep on improving,” said Dale Carnegie, who prescribed some principles which never fail in human relationships at all levels. There is only one way to get anybody do anything – that is by making the other person ‘want’ to do it. 

When and why will a person want to do anything? When that person receives appreciation, recognition and goodwill from others. Start seeing the fine side in a person, you get to see fine things happening.