Hol(e)y roads of B'luru

I have planned to fix a sticker on the car, "Sorry! Going slow. Clay Ganesha on Board!"

I have been living in and around areas like Jayanagar, Banashankari and J P Nagar for the past 50 years, in the city of Bengaluru. I can show you permanent potholes (PPHs) around these extensions in at least 40 to 50 places, which cease to disappear or die.

There are regular PPHs made by the contractors and then there are Permanent Manhole Potholes (PMHPHs) Another variety is the invisible Pot Depression (PD). This kind is not visible until you drive over it. Last Ganesha Chaturthi, just when I was imagining telling wife that how I had bargained and saved Rs 50, the clay Ganesha got damaged when I rode over a PD. This year I have planned to affix a sticker on the back of the car “Sorry! Going slow. Clay Ganesha on board.”

I have always suspected that these PHs communicate with each other. A conversation could possibly go like this:

Senior Pot Hole (SPH): Hey, Junior! How are you?
Junior Pot Hole (JPH): Okay, Uncle. If I may ask, how old are you?
SPH: About 30 years.
JPH: You look absolutely fit for your age, Uncle.
SPH: The more thuds you get, the  healthier you become, you know. How is your life going?

JPH: Okay. I am only five-years-old. Yesterday, however, I felt very sad. There was this human driving rashly with an old lady holding a baby in the passenger seat. The minute the car hit me, the infant hit the roof of the car and started howling in pain, while I heard a distinct cracking noise. It must have been the spinal cord of the old lady breaking into pieces.

SPH: No, no! You must not feel bad at all. You recall what Lord Sri Krishna says to Arjuna in “Geethopadesam” when the latter expresses his regret to fight against his own guru and kin? Similarly, it is your duty to hurt people and damage their vehicles as much as possible. You should have no qualms about this. Your entire existence is meant for this job.

JPH: Oh okay! Alright then. Thanks for your advice. So, what other news, Uncle?
SPH – Some like-minded humans, who have been benefitted by us, are building a temple for us. They are ceremoniously installing the famous M G Road guy’s photo, the senior most among us, in the sanctum sanctorum.

JPH: You mean, a few contractors, garage mechanics and doctors?
SPH: I didn’t say that. You did. The list of contributors is being kept as a secret. A board reads, “Built by anonymous devotees” on the temple walls, for obvious reasons. The contributions will be utilised for greasing the palms of you-know-who.

JPH: That is good news, Uncle. Oh! Here come three first-time two-wheelers racing each other. I have to brace myself. I am sure of at least four to five thuds that will increase my depression.

SPH: That’s it son. Keep up the spirit! The more depressed you are, the happier you will be.

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