Dealing with aboss who yells

In my last employment before turning an entrepreneur, my boss was a fine man- highly intelligent, sharp and empathetic. People loved working with him for he brought immense value to whatever he did. The only time I and many others like me, cringed, was when he lost his cool and yelled at us, mostly in front of others and almost always in earshot of a host of people. Somehow, we always knew that this yelling was not directed at us personally but at our (unfinished) work, missed deadlines, unfulfilled commitments and lost opportunities. So minutes after the whole episode, he would be calm again and guide us in overcoming the problem.

A boss who yells could be any employee’s nightmare. For one, the yelling reminds us of our younger days when parents or caregivers yelled at us and we felt vulnerable, powerless and helpless. And then having to face that (f)ire before everyone else meant you felt berated as steam billows from your ears. Behavioural experts say getting yelled at before others also impacts team productivity and morale. But research has now brought forth findings that bosses who yell are not ‘bad bosses’ after all.

There’s huge difference between my ex boss and someone who yells at you to berate you, to undermine your efforts and with the nasty intention to insult and hurt you and someone who vents out genuine frustration by raising voice. The latter is a breed of hostile and toxic people who demonstrate or rather cloak their own weaknesses amidst loud shouting. But for those who lose their cool for things not going the way they should, despite several attempts, it’s considered fairly common.

Is yelling a leadership trait?

Keeping your emotions in control when you’re stressed yourself is considered part of your emotional intelligence which is par for the course for a leader. But several great leaders including Jeff Bezos, Steve Jobs, Elon Musk, several musicians, actors, sports coaches, researchers and professors are known to yell at their colleagues, juniors and staff. Considering the highly competitive areas in which these people operate, the stress of performance and staying ahead, of catching up and exceeding competitors at breakneck speed is expected of everyone.

These leaders are themselves extremely talented and their minds work ahead of everyone. When they think of something and the team is not able to match up or lags behind due to a slow pace, they find it difficult to accept. Most often it is the passion towards their work and the zeal to get things done to make a difference that leads them to yell.

That’s because raising the voice and expressing dissatisfaction over things not happening as decided gets them the attention they want for the task and not to themselves. It’s actually their passion that speaks volumes and not the voice.

Also, it’s not like such leaders routinely speak in a loud and aggressive tone. So the time when they raise the voice and yell is the time they cannot take it anymore.

How to deal with such a boss?

Understand the context in which this yelling happens. If you find that there is a genuine reason why the boss is yelling, the team would focus on what’s needed to be done. Never take it as a personal insult and stay calm because if you raise your voice too, the matter can fast escalate.

Provide answers, seek clarifications but never argue in such heated moments. If you feel the yelling was unwarranted, give yourself some moments before the person cools down and then put your thoughts in private. The best way is to keep the boss updated about the progress of work, seek guidance if you’re stuck, find solutions to bottlenecks in time and ensure everyone is on the same page about work

(The author is a Belagavi-based counsellor)