Writing was catharsis, says Kubbra Sait on her book

The actor tells Pooja Prabbhan Srijith on how penning her memoir helped her believe in herself and stop worrying about people judging her

Kubbra Sait isn’t new to being queasy yet doing what she needs to do anyway — on stage, in Bollywood or even otherwise. The Bengaluru girl’s hearty memoir ‘Open Book’ takes you on a bittersweet yet heart-warming journey that joins several dots on why Kubbra does what she does.

From a bullied child — with a ‘proxy parent’— who grew up to become one of the most successful mistresses of ceremonies in Bengaluru long before she became a face to watch out for in Bollywood; the book traces Kubbra’s journey, which is peppered with instances of a turbulent childhood to being sexually abused as a teen from a familial acquaintance, and being cheated on, and relocating to Mumbai for work and finally seeking professional therapy and surpassing setbacks that led her to be the best version of herself.

In a freewheeling chat with Showtime, we get the actor, who dazzled in ‘Sultan’ (2016), ‘Sacred Games’ (2018) and ‘Gully Boy’ (2019), into what egged her on to pursue this ‘escape’, as she puts it. Excerpts:

What inspired you to pen down this book? Were you at any point sceptical about how it’d work for your image?

The biggest stigma around people who are in the public eye, or just us humans in the society is the “log kya kahenge” (what will people think) syndrome. It’s not an image that we create, it’s the imagination of the identity which is attached to all of us. Rarely do we do things for ourselves. From the choice of academics to the professional paths we pick, from the person we choose to marry to every little and big decision of our lives comes with an embargo of how others will judge us. I feel writing ‘Open Book’ for me was the perfect escape from these perils. I wrote this book as catharsis for me. I am not being chained by how my “image” will be affected. I am looking at this journey as a reflection of self-acceptance and non-conformity.

How long did it take for you to draft the manuscript and finally have it transpire into reality?

It took me about 6-8 months for the draft manuscript. The beauty was the scope of how much of my own life I was brushing under the carpet. I am glad I was able to express freely, sincerely and honestly. I found love for me and my life in the process. I had many professional ears and eyes. Most of ‘Open Book’ was written in isolation during Covid. So, I had me and myself to read and re-read the drafts. I felt comfortable and secure, about not sharing it with friends and family. It’s now available for my own and extended world to read. The whole book shaped up start to finish in 2 years.

What have been some of your biggest takeaways from a career in showbiz thus far?

I haven’t relied on talent alone, or expected shortcuts to work. Working hard on the craft is second to none. Learning from others and their journeys has taught me that no two humans have similar destinies. Nothing came to me on a platter… but the preparation helped me identify opportunities as they came along. I continue to stick by how important it is to say no to what you don’t believe in. There is greater good and power in resistance and holding back, when the temptation draws you in.

Do you get bogged down by trolls anymore?

Bogged down nah! But I am only human so for a split second… I sigh! I feel, “inko kaun samjhaye (how do we explain to them)”. The ease of saying anything to anyone without really thinking or feeling it through is taking us further down the rabbit hole of darkness and lack of empathy.
Sometimes it even defies common sense.

(The author is an independent lifestyle writer.)