Leave him, auntyji!

Sexi Saheli is a weekly column of answers to questions you never dared to ask. If something is troubling you and there’s not a soul you can speak to, write to Sexi Saheli at [e-mail]

When Sexi Saheli was a 13-year-old having her egg puff and chai after school, she heard the neighbourhood aunty crying to mummyji about her good-for-nothing, jobless husband who was cheating with hospital nurse auntyji.

Mummyji was listening quietly, occasionally patting auntyji’s back unaware that her darling daughter was also born with ears.

At the end of her tears, when auntyji stopped to gulp-in some air and take one more bite of puff, Sexi Saheli marched up to auntyji, pushed her glasses back on her nose and said, ‘Leave him, auntyji’ and marched out for Maths tuition.

That is perhaps the first time Sexi Saheli gave the ‘no-bullshit advice’. What’s that you ask? It’s when someone sees the truth in a situation and tells you with clarity what the most logical way-forward is, even if it’s not the most popular and ‘keep-the-peace-at-all-costs’ solution.

As time passed, Sexi Saheli grew up a bit (a fair bit), dropped the glasses for contacts, discovered hair conditioner and waxing, realised life is made up of a million shades of grey and red lipstick. She understood that a ‘Leave him, auntyji’ is not a one-size-fits solution for every situation.

Over the years (many, many but-not-that-many), she gave advice left, right and centre. She became an expert problem-solver. The one who friends and family flock to when they have some trouble (local and international). She is the keeper of secrets, the goddess of courage, the one who will say what everyone is thinking but is afraid to say.

Perhaps, you know a Sexi Saheli? She’s the friend your mummyji warned you about but the one you always wanted to have. You almost want to be like her but not really. The things she does is too much! A tiny part of you admires her gumption, the wickedness, the fun. She’s the one who gives you bad advice but deep down, you know it’s good. It’s the right thing. There is no hand-holding or babysitting — there’s just the truth stripped bare Sexi Saheli is probably older than you but annoyingly doesn’t look it. You may even have a crush on her but you’ll never let her know (imagine the teasing). You don’t mind too much, because she is your forever champion.

She knows how brave you truly are and how special your talent is, though it may be buried under mounds of conforming to the daily-struggle-of-life. She is fiercely protective and always has your best interests at heart. She will remind you to never take bullshit from anybody, including yourself.

Don’t have a Sexi Saheli in your life? Don’t worry. There’s Deccan Herald’s Sexi Saheli. Ask her a question — about your secret fears, what to do if you are dating three people at the same time, how to drop one dream for another, how to patao the pakkad-mane-dovvu, which is the best way to show-off your costly bra strap, whether you should tell your wife what actually happened that night to your mother-in-law’s cat — ask her any question you like, secure in the knowledge that she will never judge you and will always give you the most honest answer. The answer that will set you free. How to do it? Easy. Simply email [e-mail].

The next week your question will be answered in our weekly column. Only the first name will be printed to protect identity. Please don’t write asking for stock market tips or cure for the virus!