<p> Does the ‘good Indian girl’ most guys want, really exist? That pretty, intelligent, fun loving professional who brings home a nice salary and then zips into the kitchen to brew that perfect cup of tea for her mate? Rachna Bisht-Rawat finds out<br /><br />Watched Cocktail? New film, doing pretty well. If you haven’t, here’s a synopsis: It’s about three friends in London: cool Indian guy (drinks, pubs, is fun, smart, has a heart of gold); cool Indian girl (drinks, pubs, is fun, smart, has a heart of gold. <br /><br /><br />Also looks superhot in red bikini); good Indian girl (speaks in monosyllables, keeps herself covered, prays regularly, does all the housework, doesn’t let cool Indian guy hug her). No 1 and No 2 appear to be in love. They live together and share a toothbrush. And then bingo! Cool Indian guy falls out of love with cool Indian girl and wants to marry good Indian girl because he wants to come back to her every day and have her cooking mutton biriyani for him. Cinema, they say, reflects society. So what about this one? Isn’t it a bit regressive considering that we have come a long way from traditional gender roles? Or have we?<br /><br />Freelance journalist Aditi Krishnan (single, smart, good sense of humour) says she was so annoyed with the message the film is sending out that she didn’t want to watch it in spite of rave reviews. “I wouldn’t touch such men with a barge pole. <br /><br />I far prize my independence and freedom over approval or marriage to some pussy Indian man who is most times not half as fun, funny, smart or adventurous as many of the sassy Indian women.” Aditi says she cannot “pretend to be demure or change her convictions” for marriage or a million bucks. Anjana Joshi, academician and homemaker in her 40s, likes to take a more objective view. <br /><br />“Who wouldn’t want a life partner who is earning well, good company, willing to cook, clean, look after kids and make intelligent conversation,” she says. “I would want one like that too. It’s a win win situation.” But, she adds, “It is no longer a question of what Indian men want but rather, can they actually get this dream combination?” She shrugs her shoulders and answers that herself: “I don’t think so”.<br /><br />Ayesha Puri (another cool, smart, Indian girl — actually, that’s the only kind you find around you these days) finds it funny that most men still lay a lot of stress on virginity. “Men want a partner who can keep them satiated — mentally, physically, emotionally and financially. Moreover, considering how much importance men lay on food… I am sure they want a whiz cook as well. So, the girl has to be an all rounder,” she laughs.<br /><br />This stresses out Army wife Navjot Kaur, 48, a bit. She says she is sure to have trouble finding a match for her daughters in an arranged marriage. “We have brought them up no differently from boys. They are intelligent, outgoing and know their mind. But traditional families want obedient brides who will dress in salwar-kameez, work for a living but also cook for the family and not raise their voice in family discussions.” <br /><br />It worries her sometimes, she says, but she wouldn’t really want her daughter to become bonded labour either. “Our generation was different. Our parents brought us to be submissive in the man-woman relationship. I haven’t done that with my daughters. They don’t feel boys are superior in any way and they will stand up for their rights,” she says, shaking her head gravely.<br /><br />The irony is that while girls are being brought up the same way as boys; boys still grow up looking at their mothers and when it comes to finding a wife, they want “someone like mom” who will cook, sacrifice, be at home when needed and not argue too much with the man of the house. “I think financial independence has changed a lot of things,” says Ayesha. Homemaker Noopur Panwar, in her 40s, feels Indian girls are a lot more smart and liberated from her times and it’s great. “They can look beyond the kitchen and have more fulfilling lives.” She has advised her sons to look out for girls who are intelligent and good company. That matters a lot in making long term relationships interesting and fun, she feels.<br /><br />Do guys who marry ‘good’ Indian girls (read obedient, selfless, and happy to cook/clean/look after kids) end up getting bored with the relationship after a while? “Yes,” says Mumbai based marketing professional Ankur Mehta, 25. Ankur says Indian girls have changed and he can never find a girl like his mom anymore. “They (girls of this generation) are more confident, outgoing, and independent, sure about their values and beliefs, do not hesitate in speaking their mind.” The earlier taboos of girls and boys interacting are also gone, he says.<br /><br />New York based hotelier Rajan, 30, says he is looking for a “supportive partner and an equal player.” “I wouldn’t want an earlier version of the wife who goes along with the man wherever he wants to take his life, he says. In the US — Indian women who have done well in their field have moulded themselves to being moms at home.</p>.<p> I personally appreciate what they do in terms of the selfless act — but also feel it’s also a sheer waste of great talent considering the fields they come from. I think we would have a more competitive work force and a better society if women were not taken off in the name of social obligations while making personal sacrifices,” he feels. “I’m sure there are quite a few awesome Indian men around and I do have some Indian male friends who are totally cool but these are very few and very far between,” says Aditi.<br /><br />Ankur does seem to be one of them. In answer to what his expectations from a wife would be, he says: I would want her to respect my parents and that’s about it. Other than that it’s on us how we shape our lives and what kind of a relationship we build. If she’s intelligent and fun loving (enjoys pubs and clubbing) that would be great.<br /><br /> And do guys have apprehensions about marrying a girl who has been brought up like them and has the same set of moral values as they themselves have? Not at all, says Ankur. “I don’t think any Indian man would have issues with having a partner who has the same set of family values as he does,” adds Rajan. If the boys really mean what they say, and that is what Indian men really want, then there’s reason for Aditi and her generation of women to smile.<br /><br /><em>(Rajan and Navjot Kaur are fictional names of real people who wanted their identities protected.)</em></p>
<p> Does the ‘good Indian girl’ most guys want, really exist? That pretty, intelligent, fun loving professional who brings home a nice salary and then zips into the kitchen to brew that perfect cup of tea for her mate? Rachna Bisht-Rawat finds out<br /><br />Watched Cocktail? New film, doing pretty well. If you haven’t, here’s a synopsis: It’s about three friends in London: cool Indian guy (drinks, pubs, is fun, smart, has a heart of gold); cool Indian girl (drinks, pubs, is fun, smart, has a heart of gold. <br /><br /><br />Also looks superhot in red bikini); good Indian girl (speaks in monosyllables, keeps herself covered, prays regularly, does all the housework, doesn’t let cool Indian guy hug her). No 1 and No 2 appear to be in love. They live together and share a toothbrush. And then bingo! Cool Indian guy falls out of love with cool Indian girl and wants to marry good Indian girl because he wants to come back to her every day and have her cooking mutton biriyani for him. Cinema, they say, reflects society. So what about this one? Isn’t it a bit regressive considering that we have come a long way from traditional gender roles? Or have we?<br /><br />Freelance journalist Aditi Krishnan (single, smart, good sense of humour) says she was so annoyed with the message the film is sending out that she didn’t want to watch it in spite of rave reviews. “I wouldn’t touch such men with a barge pole. <br /><br />I far prize my independence and freedom over approval or marriage to some pussy Indian man who is most times not half as fun, funny, smart or adventurous as many of the sassy Indian women.” Aditi says she cannot “pretend to be demure or change her convictions” for marriage or a million bucks. Anjana Joshi, academician and homemaker in her 40s, likes to take a more objective view. <br /><br />“Who wouldn’t want a life partner who is earning well, good company, willing to cook, clean, look after kids and make intelligent conversation,” she says. “I would want one like that too. It’s a win win situation.” But, she adds, “It is no longer a question of what Indian men want but rather, can they actually get this dream combination?” She shrugs her shoulders and answers that herself: “I don’t think so”.<br /><br />Ayesha Puri (another cool, smart, Indian girl — actually, that’s the only kind you find around you these days) finds it funny that most men still lay a lot of stress on virginity. “Men want a partner who can keep them satiated — mentally, physically, emotionally and financially. Moreover, considering how much importance men lay on food… I am sure they want a whiz cook as well. So, the girl has to be an all rounder,” she laughs.<br /><br />This stresses out Army wife Navjot Kaur, 48, a bit. She says she is sure to have trouble finding a match for her daughters in an arranged marriage. “We have brought them up no differently from boys. They are intelligent, outgoing and know their mind. But traditional families want obedient brides who will dress in salwar-kameez, work for a living but also cook for the family and not raise their voice in family discussions.” <br /><br />It worries her sometimes, she says, but she wouldn’t really want her daughter to become bonded labour either. “Our generation was different. Our parents brought us to be submissive in the man-woman relationship. I haven’t done that with my daughters. They don’t feel boys are superior in any way and they will stand up for their rights,” she says, shaking her head gravely.<br /><br />The irony is that while girls are being brought up the same way as boys; boys still grow up looking at their mothers and when it comes to finding a wife, they want “someone like mom” who will cook, sacrifice, be at home when needed and not argue too much with the man of the house. “I think financial independence has changed a lot of things,” says Ayesha. Homemaker Noopur Panwar, in her 40s, feels Indian girls are a lot more smart and liberated from her times and it’s great. “They can look beyond the kitchen and have more fulfilling lives.” She has advised her sons to look out for girls who are intelligent and good company. That matters a lot in making long term relationships interesting and fun, she feels.<br /><br />Do guys who marry ‘good’ Indian girls (read obedient, selfless, and happy to cook/clean/look after kids) end up getting bored with the relationship after a while? “Yes,” says Mumbai based marketing professional Ankur Mehta, 25. Ankur says Indian girls have changed and he can never find a girl like his mom anymore. “They (girls of this generation) are more confident, outgoing, and independent, sure about their values and beliefs, do not hesitate in speaking their mind.” The earlier taboos of girls and boys interacting are also gone, he says.<br /><br />New York based hotelier Rajan, 30, says he is looking for a “supportive partner and an equal player.” “I wouldn’t want an earlier version of the wife who goes along with the man wherever he wants to take his life, he says. In the US — Indian women who have done well in their field have moulded themselves to being moms at home.</p>.<p> I personally appreciate what they do in terms of the selfless act — but also feel it’s also a sheer waste of great talent considering the fields they come from. I think we would have a more competitive work force and a better society if women were not taken off in the name of social obligations while making personal sacrifices,” he feels. “I’m sure there are quite a few awesome Indian men around and I do have some Indian male friends who are totally cool but these are very few and very far between,” says Aditi.<br /><br />Ankur does seem to be one of them. In answer to what his expectations from a wife would be, he says: I would want her to respect my parents and that’s about it. Other than that it’s on us how we shape our lives and what kind of a relationship we build. If she’s intelligent and fun loving (enjoys pubs and clubbing) that would be great.<br /><br /> And do guys have apprehensions about marrying a girl who has been brought up like them and has the same set of moral values as they themselves have? Not at all, says Ankur. “I don’t think any Indian man would have issues with having a partner who has the same set of family values as he does,” adds Rajan. If the boys really mean what they say, and that is what Indian men really want, then there’s reason for Aditi and her generation of women to smile.<br /><br /><em>(Rajan and Navjot Kaur are fictional names of real people who wanted their identities protected.)</em></p>
