Eleven-year-old twins Ketaki and Kriti were nervous. Holding hands, they climbed the steps of the stage of their school’s junior auditorium.
There was a pin-drop silence as they faced the junior school students.
“Hello everyone,” Ketaki greeted. “I’m Ketaki Patel and this is my twin sister Kriti,” she introduced.
“Our principal Mrs Radhakrishnan ma’am wants us to talk to you all about our experience,” tears shone in her eyes.
Kriti patted her sister’s shoulder reassuringly. “Do you want me to talk?” she asked.
Ketaki shook her head.
“Today, we both will share our experience with good touch and bad touch,” she started. “Our body belongs to us. No one has the right to touch us without our permission or under any pretence. If someone touches you and it makes you feel uncomfortable or awkward, or if their touch hurts you in any way, then you must tell that person ‘Don’t touch me’, ‘I don’t like it’, or ‘I don’t like being touched by anyone’.” Ketaki stared at the audience.
“What if the person doesn’t listen?” a boy asked.
“Scream, move away from that person, walk away from that place,” Kriti said. “If you scream, you will bring attention to the person, which they won’t like.”
“True,” a girl from the audience said. “No one likes to be shamed.”
“And if the person touching you keeps doing that in spite of your protests and despite you saying no, do not feel guilty. You are not at fault. It’s that person’s mistake, not yours. They are wrong, not you,” Ketaki said.
“Touching someone anywhere, especially on one’s private parts, is wrong,” Kriti continued. “Don’t touch anyone or allow anyone to touch you.”
“I’ve changed the name of the person and I hope you will understand the reason for it. One of my mother’s close relatives, let’s call him Uncle Pramesh, was our favourite uncle. He would always shower us with gifts and pamper us. We always looked forward to his visits. And whenever we played games, we all wanted to be on his team.” Ketaki said.
“But all that changed one day when we realised that he was touching us in places that were making us feel odd,” Kriti continued. “From then onwards, we hated being in the same room as him.”
“We privately started calling him ‘Octopus Uncle’,” Ketaki said.
A few students in the audience broke into smiles. “I clearly remember it all started during Vaidehi didi’s wedding. She is Uncle Pramesh’s daughter. Mom had stitched elaborate ghaghra-cholis for us. We were conscious of the few inches of the navel that was exposed, so we constantly fiddled with our dupatta, trying to cover our stomach with it. We also left our hair open, hoping it would cover the low-back blouse slightly,” Kriti recalled.
“All through the function, we felt Uncle Pramesh’s hands touching us here and there. Initially, we thought it was by accident, but slowly we realised that it was deliberate. That’s when we started to feel uncomfortable around him,” Ketaki continued.
“In fact, we started avoiding him,” Kriti said softly. “We couldn’t believe that Uncle Pramesh was such a creep.”
“What did you do about it?” a girl from the audience asked. “We told our mother about it. We felt that mom would handle it in the proper way,” Ketaki replied. “Always involve an older person you trust — it could be a parent, an aunt or uncle, a teacher or a grandparent. Never take the matter in your own hands. Elders are capable of handling these issues.” “What happened then?” a girl asked.
“Mom confronted uncle Pramesh about it,” Ketaki sighed. “After that, he has never visited our house again.”
“Are all touches bad?” a young boy asked.
“No, not all touches are bad. Hugs from the people you trsust are normal. A handshake or a high-five with friends and classmates is normal as well,” Kriti said. “Doctors touch us but it’s under the supervision of our parents or in the presence of the nursing and other medical staff. But that touch is for examining purpose,” Ketaki said.
“But if you feel uncomfortable with someone’s touch, no matter how close your relationship is or even if it is a safe body part, then it is a problem and you should raise an alarm,” Kriti shared.
“Thank you, girls,” the principal smiled. “Hope everyone has become more aware now of what is a good touch and bad touch? You can always reach out to me and other teachers if someone is making you feel uncomfortable.”
(Rachna is a children’s author and columnist.)
Expert speaks
Any touch or gesture that makes you feel ‘unsafe’ in your body, makes you want to keep it a secret or hurts you, physically or emotionally, could qualify as a bad touch, explains Snehal, psychologist. “It is very subjective as well, hence listen to your body, if it feels bad, it is a bad touch even if it does not fall in the list of things that people call as ‘bad touch’,” she adds.
If you sense a bad touch, some steps you could take:
1. Say a firm ‘no’. Remove yourself from that place and move somewhere where there are more people or call someone.
2. If moving away is not possible then attract attention to yourself.
3. Whatever the situation, bear in mind that it’s not your ‘fault’ and speak to an adult you trust.
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