'Your interests evolve as you learn and discover more'

Dear Madam,

I liked a girl in my class for a year. I found it difficult to ask her but eventually found the courage to let her know. However, she rejected me. I feel ashamed to be in class with her again and am also angry and disappointed. How do I move on and focus on my studies?

Arjun

Dear Arjun,

If you like someone, it does not logically follow that the other person has to like you back. I understand that her rejection made you feel disappointed, angry and ashamed. However, you need to know that she did not reject you as a person, she merely rejected the idea of having a relationship with you. These are two very different things. Her rejection of the relationship is not a judgment about you — it is just that she may not be interested at this point of time for several reasons. Her liking or not liking you is also not a judgment about whether you are good or not so good, or whether you are likeable or not likeable. It is merely that there is a mismatch between who you are and the likes, dislikes, beliefs and value system of the other person. So there is no reason for you to be ashamed and you should go about your business as though nothing has happened. Because it has not. This is not a rejection of you. And if you are finding it really hard to manage then please speak to a counsellor about it.

Dear Madam,

I am a parent of a twelve-year-old. My son is spending a lot of time online even though I try to play with him and engage him in other activities. He is becoming more and more detached day by day. What can I do to get him to focus?

Sarthi R

Dear Sarthi,

Parenting is a challenge in the best of times, but in the current times, even more so. Given that all facets of life have moved online it is extremely hard to set up boundaries around online time. Given that children are staying home and not interacting with their peers, many are finding it challenging to engage with other people. What is leading to your son’s feeling of detachment is something only your son can shed light on. Becoming detached is a behaviour — leading up to that and not visible to anyone else are the thoughts and feelings leading to that behaviour. It may be helpful to get your son to talk to a counsellor to help him understand what he is going through better.

Dear Madam,

I have been given more and more home duties after the pandemic. I feel exhausted at the end of the day after schoolwork and homework. How can I communicate with my parents?

Akanksha

Dear Akanksha,

During the pandemic, everyone’s roles within the family have had to undergo a change because everyone is at home and help and space is limited. Given the situation, it is understandable that there have been some expectations been placed on you in terms of chores around the house. The problem is probably not those chores as much as your belief that you cannot talk to your parents about it. If something is not working for you, you should try to communicate that to your parents and let them know how you are feeling. In order to be able to muster up the courage to have a conversation with them about it (as it appears from your note that you are scared to do that), it is important to understand what are your fears associated with talking to them about it? Are those fears rational and based on your past experiences or are they just something random you believe? It is an important life skill for you to learn to be able to communicate your thoughts and feelings when something is bothering you. And the best place to learn how to start doing that is within your home and family.

Dear Madam,

I am studying in Class 11 (PCMB) and I have not yet finalised my career. My interest in subjects keeps changing. For example, if I like the teacher or if I score well, that becomes my favourite subject. I also approached a career counsellor, but it was not of much help. What do I do?

Vaishnavi

Dear Vaishnavi,

It is unrealistic for you to have an expectation of yourself that you should have finalised your career by this point in your life. Your interests change and evolve as you learn and discover more, and it is okay. You may have certain interests now and that may change. And it is normal to like a subject where you have a good teacher, or like the teacher itself.

Talk to adults in your life from different walks of life. Understand their areas of work and see if that gives you any insight. Identify and match your strengths and interests with something that there is a need for from an employment perspective. And remember, that if you make a particular choice now, but realise that you are not happy with that choice, you can always make a change. Sometimes that change may come at a cost, but the cost may not be a big deal in the perspective of your life. Know that there are many paths to success, and you have the ability within you to be successful at whatever path you choose. Good luck!