JOIN USDear Madam,
I have completed my M.Sc (CS) with an aggregate of 73 per cent and I’ve been looking for a job for the past six months. As I have a very low score in my 10th and 12th I have less opportunity.
I feel very depressed to hear that all my other classmates got placed — even those with lower marks than me. I really don’t understand what’s lacking in me. The few companies in which I have cleared rounds, didn’t call me back for further rounds. I have lost faith in myself. My sister wants me to study abroad. But I am not sure if I should go abroad, as I’ve not even been able to do well here.
The sad part is that I am very bad at programming, but I feel that if I have to study, I must take up computers. The problem with me is I don’t know what I’m good at. I want to work like everybody else, and my family feels that I’m not dull and have good grasping powers. But I don’t have confidence at all. I feel like trying out everything, but due to some failures I find it difficult to pursue anything further. Please help.
Sushma
Dear Sushma
I am glad you took the time to write to me. There are several things about your letter which make me hopeful, even though you say you have lost hope. Firstly, you seem to have a family that believes in you and is willing to stand by you, even though you don’t believe in yourself. You should not underestimate the value of a supportive family, and neither should you take it for granted.
It is not something everyone has, and you should feel thankful for it. To me this also means that you have strengths and capabilities that others can see in you but that you are not allowing yourself to see.
I would like you to take a few minutes and write down what you believe your strengths are. You may find this hard to do at first, given your current belief that there is nothing good about you. If you are unable to make progress with this on your own, try taking the help of someone you can trust in your family or extended support system. Being mindful of our strengths gives us the courage to draw on them when we are in challenging situations.
There are a couple of fallacies in your belief system that I seem to pick on. Firstly, that marks equal success. Marks may just open a few doors for you into the work place but will not guarantee success. Success in the workplace depends more on your self esteem than your marks — it depends on your confidence, your belief in yourself, your communication skills, your ability to work in a team, your leadership skills, your ability to think creatively and out-of-the-box, your ability to problem-solve, etc.
The reason you may not be getting to the next stage in your interviews may not be because of your marks, but because of your low self esteem which you may be communicating in other non-verbal ways. Read more about this on my blog at http://personalorbitchange.blogspot.in/2010/09/see-lion-in-mirror.html
The second fallacy I see is your giving up in the face of failure. Failure is a part of the road to success, and is merely a stumbling block on the way. You cannot allow it to become an obstacle that blocks the whole path.
What you make of your failure is your choice. Do you choose to learn from it, or do you allow it to define you as a success or failure. Read more about this at http://personalorbitchange.blogspot.in/2010/09/its-not-end-of-road.html .
The only thing that may be really lacking in you is your belief in yourself and your capabilities. And that’s easy to fix because it is entirely within your control. And, if you need help with it, take the help of a counselor or trusted family member, to do it. All the best