The game of naming after...

The game of naming after...

swalpa conenct madi

All that toiling upwards in the night while the world snores itself is passe in these days of instant fame. And if a dot com idea hasn't yet hit you between the eyes, accept that you have not been bequeathed the Sabeer Bhatia genome.

I am not ruling out the options of shedding clothes to streak down Commercial Street. One could, a la Rakhi Sawant, even talk to some channel into creating a reality show where you  interview prospective grooms and end up marrying one.

Any of this will give you your tiny byte of media focus, soon to be wiped out from public memory with a quick change of channel. For lasting fame and immortality you need to think innovatively.

There are people who have, after shedding their mortal coils soon have their names put for a hospital, college, and even a road. I don't know if I want to be remembered as a college or hospital. Or worse… as a potholed road, subject to thundering passages of trucks, buses and cars.

With people stopping to pee on the pavements and children defecating by the side...  I’d probably get a huge back pain wherever I am, just thinking about the loads that must traverse my length everyday. The institutional way of perpetuating a name is far better except if the institution turns out to be a lunatic asylum with people expressing ardent and passionate love to toilet bowls.

Don't give up on immortality yet. The good news is that it is possible to have a newly discovered species of insect, frog or cockroach named after you.
An ardent fan of Boris Becker has actually paid heftily to have a hitherto unknown snail species named Boris Becker. Boris himself has not gone on record with his reaction to this… so we do not know if he is a little put off by the insinuation that he is… well… a little retarded in the backhand department. The  point is that wannabe immortals  can very well have tree frogs named after them to croak greenily forever more. Or a new  species of cockroach. Or even a tick or flea that hops joyfully on doggy backs.

On second thoughts I am not sure that I would want a frog or insect named after me. Long after I have transformed into dust unto the original dust, people will hear this annoying buzz or croaking and say “Swot her someone…there goes that darned Sadiqus Peerbhoyus again”. Or worse throw a shoe to stifle my joyous self expression and say “Gotcha you blasted Sadiquus Peerbhoyus”.

Better then to take a cue from chickens, cows and swine and get yourself a debutant virus. I think the new age influenza are wasted on animals when human beings are willing to sign off their fortunes to get one named after dear departed grandmother. So Chickengunya, which in any case has nought to do with chickens, can become Late Buddhi Bai Mathradas Fatslobgunya.

The swine flu which is terrorising the world can be marketed to some trust to be renamed Sir Bindaas Bundalbaaz flu after the patriarch who made his millions in the commodity markets. So too with the mad cow disease… Shrimathi Sadiqabhen Cowalla disease ?
Sorry folks….. my heirs object. They have no expectations of great inheritance from me. So I think I will ave to come up another bright idea for immortality. Hmm…. let’s rethink on a prettier more desirable insect perhaps. A butterfly? A ladybug ?

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