Being in love with yourself

Self Love
Last Updated 31 May 2013, 13:22 IST

It’s time we all begin to see ourselves through our own eyes. What do we want from ourselves? Alvina Clara takes you through a session of self-exploration.

Pretending to be someone you are not invariably leads to feeling tensed, almost scared. After all, you could be found out at any moment! Accepting who you are leads to a feeling of calm, of relief, of happiness. Finding and discovering your true self is the most ecstatic journey in your life. It is essential that we renew our relationship with ourself every once in a while to understand our underlying needs, values, and motives that drive our actions and behaviours. 

At times, our true self gets hidden in the labyrinth of societal values, varied cultures, castes, religions and educational sources. We tend to get lost and feel isolated amidst others by putting on a mask in order to get into the crowd. Oscar Wilde once said with his uncanny wit: Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. As humorous as this might seem, it’s a basic summation of the truth.
Rediscover yourself and fall in love with yourself. Here’s how:

Live for yourself first 

The best relationship one can have is the relationship with one’s own self. You need to accept yourself the way you are, understand your inspirations, drives and the reason behind your existence. You need to deeply understand your strengths and weaknesses, in order to get acquainted with yourself thoroughly. Find the time to dwell upon what you value and take time to consider what makes up the essence of who you are. Evaluate your choices and options to build your mark.
 Don’t people please

There are better jobs in this world than to please others. You were not created in this world to make others happy. The right sort of people will recognize you and accept you for what you are. Find your own values. While doing so, don’t be surprised if some of them seem to conflict. This is a natural result of taking broad values from a variety of sources, including culture, religion, people like mentors, teachers, educational sources, and books. Continue working through these conflicts to resolve what values feel most true to yourself. 

Frame your terms, follow your style 

In the rat race even if you come first; the fact is that you still remain a rat. Emulating others creates chaos and disturbances. Copying others style just makes you lose your originality. There’s no meaning in drowning yourself in others views and perceptions. If you can’t fit into another’s routine, please discover a new route. Other people’s judgments are insignificant as they have not traveled your journey to judge your path. 

Find your USP 

It’s a fact that uniqueness sells. Create your niche, stand out from the crowd and just follow your inner voice. Follow your passion, inspirations, and turn your dreams into reality. Don’t let other people belittle or change you. You have a life of your own, stop living it for others sake. It akes guts to be different, and the difference is that your distinguished personality acts like a magnet that draws people towards you. When people are lost in the herd, they admire someone who dared to be original.

Leave the past behind 

It is unhealthy to allow the past to haunt you. Experience is the best teacher and time is the best healer. Wait for your time to come. It just unfolds, gradually turning you into a more mature person. Allow yourself to improve and become wiser as each day goes by. Forgive past errors and behaviour that you are not proud of. Work on accepting the choices and mistakes that you had made in the past. Just embrace the new as they unfold in front of you. You never know where life can take you. Its twists and turns are perplexing but definitely has something great in store for you.

Stand up for yourself 

To some extent we all are seeking the approval of our friends, relatives, partners, parents and bosses. Your purpose in this world is not to justify yourself to others. Our prime aim is to be true to ourselves, standing up for what we feel is right. There is a lot of growing and learning in understanding our imperfections in order to become better human beings. 

Develop your individuality 

Striving to be something that you are not can be unhealthy. It’s harmful to have others popularity, appearance and attitudes rubbing off on you. Just focus on your strengths and passion and this will make you a healthy individual. It’s healthy to take inspirations from others, but it’s not mandatory to lose yourself to become them. Express yourself the way you are and see the magic take place. 

Your version of you 

Stop caring about how other people perceive you. Some of them may like you and some may not. It is only important how you perceive yourself! Without your consent, no one can make you feel inferior. If you feel degraded by others nasty comments, it’s because you feel incomplete inside. Just care for yourself, nurture yourself, and strive for yourself first.

Compete with yourself 

If you strive to be happy by comparing your gains with someone else’s you’ll forever feel poor. Instead, compete with yourself. How were you six months back? Are you a batter person, personally and professionally today? If not, what can you do to make yourself even better? If you ever feel let down it should simply be because you didn’t achieve the targets you had set for yourself, based on your own previous performances. But never compare yourself to others. You were made differently, just as each of the five fingers on your hands. 

Pamper yourself 

Never tarnish your relationship with yourself. Just treat yourself like the way you would treat your best friend. Spend time with yourself; it makes you understand what you want and what you do not want. Increase your self-esteem by doing something for yourself whether it’s a pedicure, gym session, spa or a facial. Make yourself the focus of your life. It boosts your self-confidence and renews you with invigorating energy. Refresh your spirit with each day.
To make it simple, take responsibility for yourself. Your first duty is to yourself! Tell yourself you’re special, wonderful, and worthwhile. When you believe in yourself, others will gradually recognize that glow of self-confidence and begin to realize your worth. This done, you will be able to make decisions you'll never regret, because you'll be following your heart. And the big truth is your heart will never lead you astray.

(Published 31 May 2013, 13:22 IST)

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