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Trm. Trm. Narendra Bhai, I am the Eternal President calling from North Korea. I am heartened to know that finally you have made it to the prime ministerial race in India.
I am sure you would do a great job. But I have some valuable advice for you. Please do not mind. You know I have been ruling North Korea with an iron fist for eternal years. I have managed to crush every possible dissent. There is no trace of opposition here and I have managed to sustatin benevolent democracy. People are very happy here and despite criticism by the rest of the world, I have had no qualms in spreading my ideology and maintain people's supremacy. I have so much anathema for anything wrong that once my chef added extra salt in food. Next day he vanished. Nobody knows where he was sent or went.
You are well aware that how I managed to maim, kill everybody who opposed my principles. But one thing I must tell you. In one thing I drastically failed. I failed to get pregnant women raped and killed the way you did in Gujarat. I salute you for this. Because supreme leaders cannot afford to risk and tolerate idiocy of masses. And the way you have been managing police cases is amazing. Agree that you have to sacrifice Mayaben and Amit Shah. Even I have to sacrifice ministers for the good of the people and the nation. And Amit Shah is out. I am sure you will ensure that he comes out clean. (However, dirty his hands and deeds are.)
The way you are doing development work in Gujarat beats all theories. Saurashtra and Kutch are wilting and dying. Does not matter, Nano has made Gujarat proud. Even Ratan Tata had to admit that you are stupid if you are not in Gujarat. Only a visionary can give such powerful statement. And you should feel proud that Ratan Tata comes from a minority community. This shows that minorities have no problems with you. Even your birthday was celebrated by Muslims with great pomp. The Ambanis have already stamped their approval.
I am sure you will emulate my model of delvelopment and take India to new heights. Now comes the Muslim issue. That is no issue at all. After all we know that modern capitalist development owes it credit to colonies and slavery. Let the Congress cry hoarse. After all what else they can do. And Advaniji has done no good. After all the tallest leader of the BJP should not come in way of Chote Sardar.
Elephants do not change their course because of some mad barking dogs.
In any case, this humble friend is always there to help you out. Do not hesitate to call me anytime you need to take tips to make India and Gujarat shining.