I kissed a board...

I kissed a board...


A visit to a radiologist calls for a lot of planning.

It is not like going in for a blood test, where all you need to do is wear clothes with the right sleeves and pray that the lab technician finds the ‘right nerve’. Okay, sometimes you need to fight hunger pangs too, as you wait anxiously for the ‘fasting blood sample’ to be done with.

X-rays are a completely different ball game. Everything from the lab setting to the technician’s demeanor can be unnerving. I had been there before. Unprepared. So, this time when the doc asked me to get an x-ray taken, I was determined to nail it.With less than 24 hours to prep myself, Mission Radiology Visit was on in full-swing. Unlike the last visit, this time I was smart enough to pull out an ‘easy’ top and jeans for the appointment. 

Standing in the claustrophobic changing room amidst a heap of abandoned hospital gowns, I won’t have to struggle to get out and in of my clothes.

As much as I love bling, I gave up my chunky earrings and neckpieces for the day. It’s no fun trying to get them off, with an exasperated lab technician breathing down your throat. I put in a pair of dangles in my handbag, though, to be adorned on my way to work.

It’s all about planning, didn’t I tell you? So, with the right time management, I made it to the hospital on time. The cash counter visit made, receipt collected and acknowledged. The moment I was waiting for was here...

“What x-ray is it, Ma’am?” asked a newbie at the lab. I knew she was new because of that genuine smile and the non-exasperated tone. “Hmm...” I wasn’t sure. You see, the doc didn’t really tell me. I went to him with a recurring headache and he asked for some tests. “Head, may be?” I manage a pathetic smile.

Turns out, the doc has asked for x-ray of the chest and nose. Before I can ask how the nose thing is done, I have been shown the changing room door. Out in the oversized hospital gown, I am asked to sit facing the white board. “Mouth open. Lips touching board,” rattled off the lady at the machine.

And before I knew it, there I was, eyes closed, kissing the board! It was a pretty long one. Or, may be, it only seemed that way. Anyway, the deed was done. I couldn’t wait to get to the washroom and cleanse my lips. God knows how many before me had kissed that goddamn board.

Note to self: Next time, ditch the lipstick. Carry a disinfectant.