Troubles emptying the nest? Be tough

But mollycoddling mothers and fathers should resist the urge to make home too comfortable for their recently qualified offspring, according to government guidance.
A manual published on Tuesday instructs parents to show a bit of “tough love” as they try to encourage their children to get a job. That means, making them do their own washing and ironing, emptying the fridge of student-friendly snacks and cutting back on handouts.

The guide, produced by the Department for Business, Innovation and Skills, also has blunt advice for those with lofty ambitions. “Yes, some people will make it as actors and scriptwriters,” it says, “but many just waste away the years.”
“Do” and “Don’t” lists aim to help anxious parents “motivate not alienate”. Dos include, allowing your child to relax once they graduate – though a few weeks with their feet up should not slide into a few months. Parents should also arrange a regular update of progress.

On the don’t list is perhaps the worst sin: nagging. “It might work in some circumstances, but most young people want a job and know there is a lot of competition,” the guide says. “Nagging can make young people feel more stressed and makes failure to get a job worse”.

There are times when it doesn’t pay to be “too supportive”. “Sometimes, it really is necessary to show tough love,” says the guide. “If you are making life too comfortable at home, why would they get a job? If you are providing free board and lodgings, a well-stocked fridge, washing and ironing done, plus an allowance, there’s not much drive there.”

The guide may be well-timed. Earlier this month, the Office for National Statistics revealed more people in their 20s or 30s were living with their parents than at any time in the past 20 years. Around 25 per cent of men and 13per cent of women aged 25 to 29 still live with their parents. Although one in three “adult-kids” said they couldn’t afford to buy or rent their own home, others were choosing to become “kippers” – kids in parents’ pockets. The authors of the ONS report dubbed graduates who returned home to live with their parents “boomerang children”, saying their numbers were being swelled by growing  debt.