On being a friend to oneself

A friend exclaimed recently, ‘No matter where I go, I have to take myself along and that spoils everything!’ A common complaint, it succeeds well in underlining an important fact of life.

As long as life endures, the individual, encased in his body, cannot run away from himself. We can neither escape from our body nor enter that of another. Each one is consequently a sum of his own feelings, thoughts and actions. Fortunately, this is an area that offers a choice. One can either be a friend or a foe to oneself.

Unhealthy habits, fixed beliefs and a critical attitude towards others are all sure recipes for becoming one’s own enemy. As the saying goes, ‘Hate begets hate’. It creates unpleasantness not only for others but also has the power of turning within and staying there. After all, if one dons dark glasses, the world is seen tinged with shades of grey. It is easy therefore to build our own prisons and serve as our own jailors. The good news however is that we can tear these prisons down.

We do this by taking stock of our obligations. Surprising though it sounds, chief among them is an appointment with one’s own self. We need to reflect on life, its meaning and its mystery. It means listing one’s wants and needs. This cannot be done unless one gives thought to where we come from, where we are going and what comes hereafter.

We will then perceive the ephemeral nature of our stay on earth and recognize what is valuable and what is not. It is an exercise that will free us from our petty selves and reach out to persons and things that really matter. We are enabled to empathize with family and friends, help the needy, work sincerely and face difficulties with dignity. It restores us to our better selves and endows us with a ‘peace that passes understanding’.

We can achieve freedom only if we commit ourselves to something larger than our small egos. As Bernard Shaw wrote, ‘This is the true joy in life, being used for a mighty purpose ... instead of being a selfish clod complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy.’