Virtual sex sparking marital discord, splits, says judge

Internet, smart phones sex and virtual sex are increasingly emerging as the new-age villains, forcing  separation of couples, reveals a book written by a Delhi family court judge who has handled family issues for over seven years in three different courts.

“Married people indulge in virtual sex believing that it does not amount to cheating on spouse. But in case of detection of the act by the partner, most such cases end up in divorce pleas,” said Poonam A Bamba,  Principal Judge, Family Courts at Saket Courts in South Delhi.

From estranged couples ranging from royalty to foreigners and defence personnel to professionals, Bamba’s book “Temple of Justice – A School of Life” traces the experiences of many married people whose homes have been broken by online flirtation which is a gift of technology.

“Technology has made it so easy to flirt with strangers and engage in sexual fantasies, without revealing your true identity. What is interesting is, that spouses indulge in it thinking that this does not amount to cheating on the partner,” writes Bamba. 

The idea to write the book, her second after “Perfect Marriage – Not a Mirage”, came from her own desire to “enlighten myself through my own journey and learning from others”, said the Principal Judge.

Demand for unnatural sex by men, many of them well educated and working as professionals, is also emerging as a frequent reason for their wives to seek dissolution of marriage, according to another passage in the book which is in the form of a collection of diary entries by the author.

While hearing the ordeal of a woman married to a ”pervert”  engineer  interested only in anal sex, the author could not help thinking that “the education has nothing to do with the civility of a person”.

Once a prince from an erstwhile royal family of north India appeared in her family court in Delhi on the plea of his estranged wife and it took him some time to realise that he was like any other litigant. He was sitting straight, stiff, as if everyone in the court was his subject.

 “The prince answered a few questions while sitting in his chair in the court room, before his lawyer nudged him to stand up and come close to the judge’s dais,” said Bamba, recalling an interesting moment in office which was a perfect reminder of the adage “all are equal before law”. 

Reflecting on her book, Bamba said: “This work is as much a story of my own journey, reflected in the random thoughts and experiences captured in my daily diary. Each thought has rolled into the life lessons I learnt as I moved through different life stories and the nuggets I picked up along the way.”

The stories in the book mirror how engaging is the business of the “temple of justice”, she said.

“I came out better at the end of each day, learning a new life lesson with each new experience. Which other vocation gives you as much of free life coaching?” said Bamba, who has already decided to pen her next book on custody battles between estranged couples.

While the book carries vivid stories of matrimonial violence, abuses and greed, high dramas, Bamba does not forget the case of woman who hammered her nagging mother-in-law to death but refused to give divorce to her husband. The woman also served a term in jail but was not willing to separate from her husband – who refused to forgive his wife for the murder.

Talking about how modern technology and new fashions were causing tensions in the life of next generation lovers, live-in-relationship and married couples, Bamba recalled the case of a fiercely fought divorce case.

“When it was all over, and maintenance demands of the woman were settled, she suddenly demanded that her separating spouse should foot the bill for the surgery to remove a tattoo in the shape of his name's initials as she wouldn't like her next man to know about it.