JOIN USMy daughter invariably teases me: “Appa, are you going for a head-cut”, meaning being bald I can’t have a hair-cut! I retort saying Meher Jessia, Britney and many actresses choose to shave their heads for their ‘roles’! Recently my four-year-old granddaughter ran her hand over my pate, asking if God had made me. On hearing yes, she ran her hand on her own head and asked if God had made her too? I said yes again. She then asked: “Don’t you think, God is doing a better job these days?” Once, a PYT after seeing my Lazboy modelling snap, said: “Uncle, you look distinguished” and I thought she was making fun!
I learn ‘Baldies International’ formed in 1971 by 15 bald men aged 50-85, at a bald lawyer’s home, grew with 150 lawyer-bureaucrat-executive-entrepreneur-doctor-engineer-professional members who met on first and last Thursdays in a five-star hotel! Aged 30, with a full head of curly hair, I hadn’t read this then! When a Sardarji intruded into this close-group, he was asked to prove his baldness. ‘Pagree’ could not be taken off in public; so, in men’s room, he proved himself and was immediately enrolled with bear-hugs and a toast! Each member is nicknamed/named himself: ‘moonshine’, ‘ever-shine’, ‘sunshine’ ‘flash-shine’, etc. I wish to collect all the shiny names, to choose one for myself! Baldies say wives are responsible for their baldness; still, wives attend, even if none enrolled. My wife having died 27 years ago, when I was a TDH-Colonel, with head-full of hair, I can’t blame her!
Tracing lineage from Gandhi-Nehru-Patel-Rajaji-Churchill, baldies today are proud of Gujral-Seshan-Advani-Anupam Kher. I believe percentage of hair-loss equals age in years; I am 68! What if a man lives to be over 100? But baldness does save money from hair oils, shampoos and barbers!
Not knowing that some day I would be bald too, as an emcee, I used to crack baldie jokes, eg: “When a man is bald in front, he is a great thinker; if at the top (sun-moon-shape), he is sexy; and if he is both, he thinks he is sexy!” Or, ask conundrum quizzes: “Why is a bald head like heaven?” “Because there is no parting or dy(e)ing there!" “How does a baldie get ready faster than others?” “Because, he has less hair to comb and same face to wash”!
I will let you into my secret: one reason for my big moustache post-retirement is to draw attention away from my shiny pate but earn praises for the mush; that is how I get modelling assignments!