A movie with Aunt Agatha

Let me begin by stating that Aunt Agatha is not a real person but represents a domain of several hundred people, one of whom is likely to be present in every family. So, replace her with the appropriate character in your circle of family and friends, fasten your seat belts and...enjoy the movie.

Aunt Agatha is sitting next to me eagerly waiting for the movie to begin. I go to great lengths to explain to her that the plethora of scenes and characters that appear on screen is not part of the movie but advertisements that she could ignore. Then starts the actual movie and the Columbia Pictures logo comes up — the beloved aunt promptly states that she has seen this movie before. I reassure her that this is a new movie released just that day.

The opening scene involves two people being shot in a dark alley. Aunt Agatha is enraged that there is not enough light on the street and, therefore, the victims’ families should sue the local town authorities for unsafe roads. When the same two people walk into an office in the next scene, she exclaims, “Ghosts walking, not possible.” I calm her down and explain that they are showing a scene from the earlier part of their life, and she remarks, “Why can the director chap not even get his scenes in the proper sequence?”

By now, several people in the audience are giving us pointed looks and I feel the urge to take preventive measures. I whisper into the aunt’s ears that she should nudge me if she wants to say something or ask a question. She nudges me right away and asks me under what circumstances she should nudge me. I grit my teeth and ask her to be quiet. In no time, she nudges me a dozen times and asks me why person-A appears with person-C in location X while just a minute ago she was talking to person-B in location Y. I patiently tell her that there are four different people and two different scenes in two different points in time. She mumbles, “Why does everyone look the same and why is every restaurant decorated the same way?”

I attempt to buy some peace by getting her a bucket of popcorn but this only ends up annoying more people around us. They are now the involuntary recipients of flying pieces of the said edible as the good aunt fumbles around with the bucket.

It has now clearly become a losing battle for me to try and follow the movie since I am constantly explaining to Aunt Agatha what happened in the movie 10 minutes ago. Honestly, at this stage, I am more concerned with plausible ways to remove the relative from the venue, hoping that none of the co-audience will recognise me later. Regardless of the fact that neither of us have had a chance to follow the actual movie, my aunt is determined to see the end, as though she is waiting for the closing ceremony of the Olympics.

Later, when I am thanking my stars as we exit the cinema hall, I nearly crash into a wall when the good aunt declares, “That was a good movie”!