Single 'n' content

In the modern society, there is an incredible range of family combinations and many families now opt to have just one child. Not a common practice a few decades ago when having three to six children was more the norm than the exception. The reasons for the shift are many — parents having children later in life, divorce, financial difficulties, mothers working full-time, fertility issues or simply a conscious decision to have one child.
In the late 19th century, acknowledged child expert Stanley Hall stated that being an only child was a “disease in itself”. The prejudice carried over into the 20th century with parents claiming that having a second child was simply necessary to provide a sibling, so the first won’t be spoiled, selfish, weird, unhappy or lonely.

So what is the reality of growing up as an only child as opposed to being a member of a large rambunctious family? Resham Sunil, a peppy young teenager, feels that in spite of having loads of friends, a sibling or two would have been wonderful. “Although my parents are loving and terrific, I sometimes felt like I was missing out on something really big. Brothers or sisters who would share my parents and my life to further enhance the family dynamic,” she says a tad wistfully.

In contrast, Amita and Mark Braganza have six children and say that being a member of a big family is the best way to grow up. “We try our best to give adequate attention to each one with dextrous time management. Having kids from ages 21 to 3 is undoubtedly a challenge, but one we enjoy. We have to be “with it” in all spheres of life, be it studies, music, fads, friends, lingo or fashion,” they say. “Coming from big families ourselves, we feel that the learning curve for children grows faster when they are part of a large family. The older ones help out with the younger ones and learn about sharing and responsibility. Perhaps the only drawback could be that we never fit in the elevator together!”

 Cut to the kids — Vineet and Amit Braganza, aged 10 and 7, who say, “Playing cricket and football matches are super fun as we can form a team at home. We are constantly enjoying tons of birthdays, celebrations and family functions. And we even get to hang out with the friends of our older siblings — Lalit, Madhuri and Rajat. That’s really cool.”
While growing up as an only child, Sandhya Jain did feel the lack of a sibling or two but now thinks that the merits outweigh the demerits of being an ‘only child’. “My mom is like an older sister and we are really close. We share clothes, shop, travel and even party together so its really cool. I also feel lucky never having to compete for my parents’ attention or suffer the aggravation of being compared to an over-achieving sibling like some of my friends.”

Child experts feel that an ‘only child’ may feel lonely while growing up because siblings tend to verbally, physically and emotionally “push each others buttons” as part of the natural bonding experience. They get all the attention from their parents, a mixed blessing as kids can feel suffocated at always being the centre of attention. However, only children do not need to suffer from old stigmas such as lack of social skills, dependency, selfishness or the inability to share as long as parents take action when they are young.