Values bereft of value

In a raging gunfight with militants in a disturbed zone, some years back, a young Army doctor – a captain – was using two soldiers to carry a stretcher bearing a. dying militant. He ran into his commanding officer, who asked him curtly who the injured man was. “He’s a militant, Sir, but I’m a doctor. I have to help him because he is still alive”. The colonel lifted his gun and shot the injured man. “Now he’s dead. Go back and fight. Your own men need you more,” he said.

This is a story that has been told and retold many times. Whether it’s true or not does not really matter. What matters is that soldiers understand the conviction of both men and find neither lacking in values.

So much for values then. Are they really as sacrosanct as we make them out to be? Or, do they change with external influences, environments and generations, just like anything else would in the process of evolution?  

Values most of us grew up with

Those in their 30s or older would probably subscribe to what homemaker Tina Vohra says. “Don’t lie. Don’t do what does not go with your conscience. Don’t look down on others. Don’t cheat. Don’t harm anyone knowingly. Respect your elders. Remember, one day you will be in their shoes too. Money is not everything, relationships count too. Be good to your employees. Don’t brag. Be humble, but not so that people can walk all over  you. Never betray anyone’s trust. I guess those were the values we grew up with.”
Quite a long list there. No wonder it weighs us down a bit. While most of it came from parents, school teachers and moral science periods helped too. However, we soon realised that letting go of some of these values helped us survive better in the big bad world.

“All the time my son was in school I would tell him not to cheat,” recollects Sushila B, 65, “But in his 10th boards when I heard everyone was cheating, I remember telling him, if you don’t know an answer and someone’s telling you, write it.” She recollects how ashamed she felt saying it, “but when the world is dishonest, it is  hard to survive if you are honest.

“When I was growing up I often heard that ‘gentlemen finish last’. After all those lessons in morality, experiencing this at every stage of life was heart-breaking. It seemed that something was seriously wrong with my own perception of values,” says Kuala Lumpur based practicing geologist Piyush Panwar, 50.

 Massachusetts based MIT alumni Prithvi Raj Banerjee, had a similar experience. “My perception about honesty got shaken as I grew up in India seeing dishonest people thriving, rampant bribery, corrupt politicians etc. Being able to game the system and make a profit was apparently not considered dishonest,” he says.

“The line between right and wrong is blurring, if people are not doing something it is probably because they are afraid of being found out,” says Pune-based former school teacher Anjana Joshi, 41. She adds, “Be it job ethics, taking bribes, being dishonest, seeking or offering sexual favours at the workplace, – most people don’t have a sense of right or wrong, anymore.”

Flexible morality

“When I was growing up, premarital sex  was unimaginable. It was so taboo that it wasn’t even discussed by parents. Today, I see no point in telling my daughter this because I know she will take her own decision. All I can do is tell her the pros and cons and hope that she will take the right decision,” says Amita Waring, 42, Noida based garment exporter. 

“My thought process is not the same as my parents,” she says, “I feel I am more liberal but I do have the same values.”

  She says she might still accept it if her daughter wanted to live with a boy she was in love with, but promiscuity to gain  professional favours would be unacceptable. “I guess some values are more rigid than others,” she grimaces.

Honesty is such a lonely word

Many middle class Indians would have a problem with lying. Honesty was a value taught to most of us through school. Most people say, they still look for it as a quality in friends as well as employees they want to hire. However, it is one of the values that falls quickly in the business of life. According to educationist Abha Sharma, a sexagenarian, “the younger generation is torn between the values taught and practiced which often makes them take the easier path.”

The older generation can’t always do that. “The values we were taught sometimes bring us to crossroads but then inner conscience steers us across,” she says. Recently, Abha decided to quit a school job because she could not compromise on the value of honesty and her need to be true to herself and her students.

Whither conscience?

Says Anjana, “In any of the big cities, you see boys and girls  from smaller towns living together. They wouldn’t have done it in their home town, they will not tell their parents they are doing it but in the anonymity that a big city provides, they do.”   This kind of individual freedom is not something to be criticised but yes, morality and convenience are no longer mutually exclusive.  

Family comes first?

A basic Indian value most people believe in and would like to pass down generations is that families should stay together through thick or thin. “Families provide a lot of strength and emotional support, ” says Amita but also wonders if today, families too can withstand the strain of a changing set of priorities where ‘Me’ comes before ‘We.’ Most of the present generation has been brought up with the belief that marriages shouldn’t be broken and that is the value they want to pass down to their children. Amita says that if ever her daughter wants to break her marriage for a small reason , she would want her to stay in the marriage. “However, if the problem was cheating or abuse, then I would support her if she wants to walk out.”  

Spending money

Prudence with money is a value that this generation would like to pass down to the next. Though definition of prudence changes. “My father thought spending Rs 2 on a bus ticket was a waste when you could walk. Today, my grandchildren don’t like to drive without an air conditioned car, and prefer flights to taking a train. Their thinking is different from mine,” says Sushila. Double incomes, single children, economic boom have ensured that most middle class children have a lot more materially than their parents ever did. “Game boys, I pods, cell phones are all so expensive but most children have these. However, I still don’t give too much money to my children,” says Amita. “Children have to learn the value of money till they start earning enough to support the lifestyle their parents are giving them. Otherwise, they might end up getting frustrated in life,” she says.

    Anjana says she doesn’t think the way her mother did. “For example, I don’t see what is the big deal about virginity or an extra marital affair. I wouldn’t  judge people on that, she says. Anjana feels many of our values have lost their meaning. “Puja rituals are something I refuse to spend money on. I feel it is better to feed a hungry child. I won’t judge a girl who is smoking or a boy who is living in with someone either,” she says. Both Tina as well as Prithvi Raj would like to pass on to their children the values of compassion and respect for elders. “Though I can only steer, they have to form their own values,” he says. Abha feels honesty and dedication will always survive.    .  But will they endure is the question.  According to Piyush, like all evolutionary processes it will take several generations for the moral values of society to change as a whole. “A population with different/ new moral values will survive while the one with more traditional/old values will perish,” he says, predicting that each generation will find itself struggling to strike a balance between what is practical and what is conventional.  The moral compunction in choosing wrong over right will diminish from one generation to the next.

Those who believe in the theory of evolution, argue that only those values will exist which are more helpful for winning. If you want to turn the argument around, you could say what scholar Prithvi Raj does: “It all depends on what you take as the definition of winning.” 

   And at the end of the debate, it really is about how you define your values and where you draw the line.