Guide for curious mini-adults

Author Interview

These books had all the things I was dying to know about, all the things I was kept away from — spin-the-bottle games where American teenagers kissed awkwardly, mysterious bodily changes, school crushes, curfews, bras — since I was “far too young for all this.” But I can’t recall many interesting Indian books that fitted into this genre back then, which could have given satisfying answers to all my embarrassing concerns. So it is exciting to come across Anjali Wason’s book, Body Talk (Harper, 2010), in which she responds to questions from young Indian women on the ways of the female body, sexuality, love, family and other relationships. Excerpts from an interview with the author:

You’ve urged young women to question and explore the complexities of their mind, body, sexuality, relationships and emotions. What made you think that this book needed to be written?

Well, every young woman has questions about her body, sex and relationships. We are all already questioning and discovering the complexities of our minds and bodies, but we do so in a very private manner. As a result, we can sometimes believe that our feelings and questions about sex are ‘wrong’ or ‘weird’. Talking about sex is so taboo — these conversations make the most savvy men and women giggle and squirm — so we feel isolated and lonely when it comes to our anxieties about sex. These feelings of alienation are totally avoidable. That’s what motivated me to write Body Talk. I wanted to put together a book that provides reliable, accurate, non-judgmental, non-moralistic information about sex and sexuality. Young Indian women deserve that. We have our own unique sensibilities, cultures and values here, so a British book on sexuality won’t give us information that is truly relevant to our context and moment.

Has the media and global exposure  changed the way young women feel about their appearances?

Definitely. Women in Indian cities are inundated with images of other women, and many of these images set unrealistic standards and expectations of how women should look and behave. That’s why its essential that young women have access to information that facilitates them accepting and loving themselves as they are.

In urban India, young adults prefer to keep the curious details of their lives away from their parents. Should we be concerned about this growing gap?

On the one hand, these generation gaps have always existed. But yes, younger people are more sexually active and are also engaging in some risky behaviour. It’s essential that parents open their eyes about what it means to be a young person in today’s India and also equip themselves with the information that will help them have healthy, relevant discussions about sex with their children.

Indian teenagers are now far more familiar with sex than they were a decade ago. Are they growing up too soon?

Yes, today’s children and teenagers sometimes seem to be mini-adults, and it’s tempting to lament a bygone era in which children were  just children. However, such thinking is totally irrelevant to a project like Body Talk. If teenagers know much more than their parents did at that age, they need to be equipped with information. Many of the girls I spoke to displayed a remarkably mature sense of self. However, most didn’t have enough information about the implications of the sexual activity they were curious about or engaging in. Sex can be a very beautiful and healthy part of life. But sex without information can have serious consequences.

Indian parents often shy away from discussing love, sex and bodily changes with their children. How important are these discussions since children have their own ways of learning about these issues from others sources?

I don’t know if it’s only Indian parents who shy away from talking to their children about sex and their bodies. I think this is something all parents — no matter where they live — struggle with. But  it’s important for parents to make themselves accessible to their children. No matter how ‘uncomfortable’ or ‘awkward’ it is to have a conversation about sex with your son or daughter, it’s imperative that parents attempt to provide accurate information about sex to their children. The information in magazines, on the Internet or from friends can often be exaggerated, inaccurate or misleading. The media doesn’t have children’s best interests at heart — its primary concern is selling products. 

Tell us a bit about your days as a young adult. Did it have anything to do with your interest in this subject?

I, like all teens, was naturally curious about my body, sex and sexuality. I, like all other teens, talked mostly to my friends about it. These conversations with other young people could sometimes be helpful, but very often were misguiding. Thankfully, my mother had a very non-judgmental approach to sex and would subtly put across that she was always there if I needed to talk. And when I did need to talk, when I needed someone trustworthy, someone who had my best interests at heart to talk to, I knew where to go.

Pick one book that young adults should   definitely check out.

American Born Chinese by Gene Luen Yang is one of the best graphic novels to come out for young adults in this decade.