Nothing will last forever

Sexi Saheli is a weekly column of answers to questions you never dared to ask. If something is troubling you and there’s not a soul you can speak to, write to Sexi Saheli at [e-mail].

Dear Saheli,
I am 24-years-old. For some reason, I am not able to adjust with my sister-in-law. Now, she has begun to avoid me. I just feel extreme anger towards her but I don’t have a concrete reason as to why I feel this way.

Shalon

Dear Shalon,
Isn’t it great when people you don’t like avoid you? Stop feeling guilty because you don’t like your sister-in-law. She’s not your sister. Just be civil when you meet her. The good part is that she probably senses that you don’t like her and that’s why she’s keeping away. Just do the same. Life’s too short to force yourself to like people you don’t.

Hi Saheli,
My husband and I are in our forties. We met in college but the problem is that he is still the same as he was back then — drinking with his buddies late into the night every Friday and Saturday, listening to the same old rock songs (if I hear Summer of ’69 one more time, I’ll break his speaker). The jokes, the jeans, the egg dosas at 1 am is driving me crazy. Help!
Reva

Hi Reva,
Your husband probably can’t stop this thing he’s started. Does he still think those were the best days of his life? Are these the worst days of your life? You need to have some hard conversations with your mate and yourself. Have you outgrown each other? Are your life goals aligned? You’ve clearly moved on and you’re wondering what went wrong. Hopefully, as Bryan said, nothing will last forever, including this prolonged college euphoria your husband seems to be reliving on loop. Oh, yeah!

Saheli Madam,
My daughter is sending this email for me. I am 70, a retired government servant. I have lived a very modest life, never been out of South India, always put my family first and never thought of myself. Even now, when I think of what I want … I have no answers. My daughter thinks I should be happy but I don’t know what that is. Any advice?
G K Rao

G K Rao Sir,
Please try the following six suggestions:
1) Learn something new out of your comfort zone like pottery or singing.
2) Watch one foreign film a week.
3) Once borders open, travel to a country with a different culture.
4) Join a senior citizen’s club.
5) Two days a week, write three paragraphs on your childhood.
6) Every morning, smile at yourself in the mirror.
I’m not sure if this will make you happy but as you lose yourself in unfamiliar pursuits, you may find the real you, the one that duty and family commitments buried.