Rajini Chandy isn’t afraid of anything. At 70, the homemaker-turned-actress from Kerala is open to challenges and trying anything at least once. In 2020, photographer Athira Joy requested her to do a glamorous photo shoot against ageist stereotypes. Chandy went ahead— breaking the ‘traditional grandmother’ image, dressed in Western clothes, looking confident, fit and ready to take on the world. The photographs went viral, unleashing reactions that included positive comments and misogynist trolling.
The reactions didn’t stop Chandy from doing what she wanted to do. “I don’t know how many more 24 hours I have, right? So I want to fill it with things that make me happy. I don’t want to think I can’t do this or that because of age, some aches and pains, or what society thinks.”
Ageing is seeing a turning point in urban India. Like Chandy, many others feel free of their years. Some of them welcome it with open arms. It’s no longer uncommon to see older people get doctorates at 75, learn how to swim after 60 and start a new venture at 65, aided by emerging opportunities, technology, peer support, better medical facilities and increasing awareness of possibilities. Many urban older adults are experiencing a transition in how they wish to lead the rest of their years after ‘retirement age’. Many believe in the ‘growth mindset’ — whether through learning or being part of a stimulating network — which can keep one energised and alive.
Of course, this transition is not universal and often has a strong economic background as a solid base. It’s also mainly happening among the middle- to upper-class, driven by socio-economic factors, nuclear families and better medical care. Not every older adult in reset mode is a celebrated pathbreaker like Chandy. It could even be the quiet older woman next door who is not creating ripples on social media but is ageing better and breaking ageist stereotypes in her way through mediums that work best for her.
Ageing actively
Embracing the advancing years instead of drawing a veil over it seems the new normal—globally. “The push to embrace ageing as a privilege rather than punishment is starting to feel like a movement,” Carl Honoré writes in Bolder: How to Age Better and Feel Better About Ageing. He notes that the chronological age is losing its power to define and contain us.
Old age, at least in the urban Indian environment, is shedding its conventional skin — moving from the walker to walkathons. Social change is reflected on our screens too. Actor Seema Pahwa directed Ram Prasad Ki Tehrvi, her first directorial venture at 59. The movie’s elderly protagonist, played by Supriya Pathak, quietly ignores the family, arguing about her living arrangements to start a music school in memory of her late husband. Pahwa made the movie to reflect the much-needed changes in our mindset around ageing, which she has demonstrated in her own life by becoming a director in her fifties. “We need to show in popular media that there are possibilities to remain independent and productive as you age. It’s no coincidence that many films and OTT content are now showing independent older people. It’s a sign of the times we live in.”
The other side of ageing
However, realities are different for all; many do not view ageing as a positive life stage.
In March 2020, we met Narayan and Irawati Lavate (90 and 81 years), the first Indian couple to petition the Supreme Court of India for the right to die together with dignity. The Lavates were the protagonists of a documentary by filmmaker Sumira Roy. As Roy explained the purpose behind her documentary with empathy and optimism for a hopeful future, we saw another very real side to ageing in India. The Lavates petitioned the Supreme Court on their 50th anniversary. Roy entered the Lavate’s world in their tiny Mumbai chawl to understand their choice to die.
“They taught me that what matters is how valuable you feel about your place in the world. I felt the silence of loneliness, isolation, and purposelessness when I was with them. They are really invisible to the world,” Roy said at the documentary screening.
The Lavates do not have children. They are confined to their small home due to age-related restricted mobility. It may be hard to accept their unusual death wish but not when you understand how lonely and vulnerable life can get for many elders. The Lavates don’t want dependence, a worry for many older adults in India. In 2018, when they petitioned the court, it led to a debate on the ethical and legal implications of euthanasia. It also showed how diverse ageing itself was. Yes, there are older people around us breaking every ageist stereotype. Yes, active ageing as a concept is undoubtedly a buzzing conversation. But if that is a new truth, so is the reality that even death is a better option for some elders than being ailing and dependent.
India will have 300 million senior citizens by 2050. Average life expectancy has increased from 56.2 to 70.8 years between 1970–75 and 2013–17. Living longer in a rapidly changing society calls for adaptation, something not always easily accessible or possible for many older adults for reasons that range from health, financial, mental and social, to name a few factors. Many older adults still do not have the resources to sustain themselves independently, leading to abandonment by children and elder abuse.
A time for self-love
For those who can manage their resources, ageing can be enriching today. Income increase, pension and investment measures have meant better economic solvency for many urban older adults. These self-empowered older adults are clear about their needs and inclined towards fulfilling those.
Madhu Mehra, 69, a Bengaluru-based home entrepreneur, regularly travels with friends. It helps sustain her after the death of her spouse and she continues to travel despite heart and knee surgeries.
Travelling and being part of varied social groups also worked for Delhi resident Nirmala Verma, 80, after her husband’s death. The former economics teacher travelled with senior citizens’ groups she joined in her middle-class, north Delhi neighbourhood.
She highlights that many older adults may need that little nudge, whether through a peer community or children, to find self-love and a spark of independence that enables them to try new things.
Changing priorities
Finding a purpose can keep ageing and its complexities at bay. Sometimes, it needs to be built in consciously as you grow older. Dr Tom Verghese is a Melbourne-based author and executive cultural coach of Indian descent who actively promotes the idea among older adults globally. Conscious ageing is being aware of how focusing on aspects of your life like spirituality, physical and emotional health and social connections can help you age better.
You may wonder about the importance of a concept like conscious ageing or why new-age institutes like Modern Elder Academy (in North America and Australia) exist, offering workshops to help people positively transition to midlife. After all, haven’t generations of elders worldwide and in our own homes lived fulfilling lives without reading a book on ageing or attending a workshop?
The answer lies in our changing priorities as we age, necessitating a conscious transition into elderhood. “What was important for me when I was 30 may not be important for me when I’m 60. Right now, my focus is on how I could be more generous and help make a better world,” Dr Verghese reflects.
Akila Krishnakumar would agree. Krishnakumar is a former technology industry leader and founding partner of a network of philanthropists. She gave up a top corporate job to work with social enterprises at the peak of her career. “I couldn’t imagine myself sitting at home after retirement. At 50, I told myself I had another 30 years of active work. If I have to do something with that time, I better get started early.”
Senior advocate Shiv Kumar, too, decided to plan a life for himself that went beyond work. Only, in his case, the plan started much earlier. He started working with NGOs, including a helpline for elders that he aided in setting up, pursued theatre alongside, and even learned Carnatic music for seven years. As he grew older, he shifted towards mediation instead of litigation at work; it gave him more satisfaction. Shiv Kumar, 74, calls it a consciously planned growth path. He does deal with the inconveniences of ageing and loneliness. The grief of losing his spouse still rears its head at times. But he has tools in his arsenal to enrich the other parts of his life. ‘These things — theatre and mediation that I started doing when younger — are holding me in good stead now.’
Opportunities over obstacles
Does a carefree mind, conscious planning, self-love and acceptance of age mean you can avoid worrying about its unavoidable pitfalls?
Despite advanced medical technology, wearable gadgets and changeable knees, age can still be the most significant debilitating condition. There are systemic challenges too. The need for elder-friendly infrastructure is an ongoing concern. Public places like railway stations, bus stands, banks, municipal offices and even religious sites need to be elder-friendly in India. Crimes against senior citizens, especially in urban India, have steadily increased. Reports by the National Crime Records Bureau in 2019 showed that 28,000 seniors above 60 became victims of crime. The 2021 reports show the National Capital Region registered over 900 cases of crime against senior citizens. Institutionalised support and a better ecosystem for elders are thus crucial.
As we spoke to older adults across India, we realised that despite the challenges, this is an age of opportunities. Older adults in India who have access to resources or have the determination to create opportunities for themselves no longer see age as a barrier or view it as a constraint. But we need to campaign for creating a robust network of support and care which ensures that a lonely older adult can think of an option beyond withdrawing from life and waiting for death.
It is also time for us to start looking at age without the lens of an ailment and in a different spirit. Organisations working in the eldercare space are already working towards that. The conversation has started. Let’s keep it going.
The authors are co-founders of Silver Talkies, a social enterprise focused on active ageing. Nidhi has many years of experience in the financial services sector and has received several leadership awards for her work in the eldercare space. Reshmi has worked as a journalist for over two decades and continues to write for various publications. They have co-authored ‘Rethink Ageing’ released recently by Penguin.
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