A visit to the hairdresser

RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE

I have seen the whole range of hairdressers, or barbers as they were called in my time. From coiffeurs doing their business under the shade of a tree, to mobile practitioners who would visit you in your house, to extremely fastidious, fussy exponents of the same business of cutting your hair. I have also made the whole range of payments too -- from Rs 10 with a hair massage which left you invigorated and drowsy, to Rs 1,500 - and God help you if you did not add a tip to this king’s ransom.

And I do not know if you noticed, all hairdressers seem to spend more time trimming the rear of your head - they even show you a mirror for you to see their work of art --than any other part. Never understood this mystery.

The pandemic witnessed untold domestic cruelty -- my wife took up the trimmers and tried her hand. She mistook my head for a patch of unkempt land, she is from Punjab, you see, and wielded the trimmer as if it was a heavy-duty tractor.

To cut a long story short, she trimmed a path across my head which would have made a farmer proud. It was fit for sowing. Obviously, it was payback for some act of commission or omission on my part, though she stoutly denies it. Anyway, let bygones be bygones.

Since the pandemic-imposed fears never seemed to stop, I went to a fancy place this time. The emphasis being on cleanliness and vaccinated hairdressers. These guys are hairdressers indeed. They do not use the good old fashion scissors but use trimmers and dryers and battery-driven cutters. They charge as if they are dressing each hair by hair.

Like any good true blooded south Indian I have a patch above my lip. This is needed even more so because what is left above my head is declining rapidly. So, I asked this hairdresser to please trim my mustache. He looked at it intently from all sides. He then set about trimming it.

I thanked him and went to make my payment. Imagine my shock to see the bill include a separate charge for the trimming of the moustache. Yes, I am proud of this patch of hair but not so proud that I would pay for it to be trimmed. Have learnt my lessons. I shall now protect my crown from my wife and my upper lip from the barber, sorry, hairdresser.