Be advised

Recently, a friend, who lives abroad, asked me for some advice on her travel plans. She wanted to travel from Bengaluru to Kerala. At this point of time, no tickets were available on any train except one. Travelling by this train would entail her going to a far-away Station.

Moreover, it would reach her destination very early in the morning. I suggested hiring a taxi-cab that would take her from point to point. She rejected the idea as she found long journeys by car uncomfortable. I left it at that, but later she wrote to thank me for the suggestion which worked in every way for her.

Why is it we often ask others for advice only to reject it? A quip I read many years ago came to mind: ‘If you want to give advice, don’t.’ Of course, there are times when we share a concern simply because we want to vent our feelings or because we want someone to listen to us.

Whatever the reason, when we are in a genuine quandary and someone offers a suggestion, our immediate response is to dismiss it. Perhaps we are embarrassed to admit we need help or find it irksome that somebody else understands the situation more than we ourselves do.

However, there can be no doubt about it – the ability to listen to advice and to take it if necessary, is indeed helpful. Not only does advice solve problems, it makes the person who offers it genuinely happy.

The best advice comes from those who know you well. They are aware not only of your strengths but also your foibles. They see the blind spots in your personality more clearly than you do and can guide you with understanding and without judgement. For instance, I have been told that I take things too seriously and give in to panic.

This has made me more conscious of it, making me try to overcome this habit. The trick is to see that other people can see things about us that we are not aware of. Taking time to reflect on such advice can bring in new perspectives. Not only does this
add to your comfort level but also brings greater understanding of yourself, which again results in lasting peace of mind.