In times of grief, fall back on tradition

Times of uncertainty, unexpected losses, and the grief that comes with loss have the potential to cause both physical and mental distress. The source of grief could be a bereavement, loss of livelihood, the breakdown of a relationship, or even the loss of a pet. Perhaps the sense of loss stems from attachment. The realisation of the impermanence and futility of attachment leaves one disillusioned. In its extreme form, it can affect the way one looks at life. In Ramayana, King Dasharatha’s grief comes from the shock of the cruel demand made by his favourite queen, Kaikeyi, and his forced acceptance of her will. His honour bound him to comply with her demands, despite the deep grief at having to send the crown prince Rama to the forest for fourteen years, causing so much self-reproach that it killed him.

In the same epic, Rama’s grief when his wife Sita is abducted by Ravana warrants detailed description, even as it is poignant and devastating. His melancholy is alleviated only by the devotion and ministrations of his brother Lakshmana, the bird Jatayu’s sacrifice in trying to rescue Sita, and the unconditional support of the monkey army. The acts of solidarity shown by the bears, squirrels, and the like in building the bridge across the ocean to Ravana’s Lanka all helped to strengthen his resolve. Urmila’s grief at being separated from Lakshmana is the basis for the epic poem Saket. Kalidasa’s Abhigyana Shaakuntala is an ode to the grief of a woman abandoned by her husband. In the Mahabharata, Arjuna’s despondency at having to kill his own kinsmen is dismissed by Krishna with the admonition, over the inevitable, thou should not grieve. In all cultures, epics capture the psychological aspects of grief: the shock, the disbelief, the anger, the malaise, the depression, and the dread.

Tradition also helps in processing grief—particularly that caused by bereavement and self-reproach—by prescribing rituals, positive action, support from family, and introspection. Time is, of course, a great healer. Even modern methods of processing grief place emphasis on expression of grief, staying connected, a healthy lifestyle, and meditation. Marcus Aurelius’ observation is strangely comforting. “Tragedies were brought on stage to remind men of the things that happen to them, and that is according to nature for things to happen so.”