Poll running on horsepower

Big and brawny SUVs command awe from the masses thronging election rallies. Ensconced in their towering SUVs, our politicians gain a vantage view of mere mortals swirling around. Surveying the landscape like modern-day monarchs, they occasionally bestow a gracious wave upon their loyal subjects.

Rajiv Saxena

Poll running on horsepower

With the stage all set for the November legislative assembly elections in Mizoram, Chhattisgarh, Madhya Pradesh, Rajasthan, and Telangana, and with preparations for the 2004 Lok Sabha elections also in the first gear, one thing is certain: sales of sport utility vehicles (SUVs) are about to skyrocket. Those who wield the keys to these road giants might just hold the keys to political power.

Size matters in Indian politics. Big and brawny SUVs command awe from the masses thronging election rallies. Many seem to believe that the ability to navigate pothole-ridden roads and the dusty countryside in these muscular four-wheel vehicles symbolises governing acumen. Ensconced in their towering SUVs, our politicians gain a vantage view of mere mortals swirling around. Surveying the landscape like modern-day monarchs, they occasionally bestow a gracious wave upon their loyal subjects.

SUVs, widely viewed as symbols of ultimate victory, boast a whopping 46% share of the country’s passenger vehicle market. One may rightfully perceive this surge in SUV ownership as a shining testament to the robust health of our political system.

Picture this: the campaign trail, where politicians are no longer merely campaigners but SUV commanders. Election rallies turn into parades of vehicular grandeur, where the candidates’ choice of SUV is scrutinised more assiduously than their manifestoes. While gleaming, high-end luxury SUVs may enamour a section of the janata, rugged, off-road beasts with giant wheels may signify a connection to the grassroots for the other lot. The choice of SUV speaks volumes about the identity and prowess of politicians. While speeches and promises seem to be tolerated with fistfuls of salt, instant delivery of goodies like Bapu brand currency notes and liquor pouches using over-sized SUVs is known to have made or marred political fortunes. What lies behind the tinted windows of these road warriors remains a secret to most.

Only the henchmen of big-vote contractors are allowed to get really close to the SUVs. Those behind the steering wheels inform these middlemen, in hushed tones, about the time and place of the’real’ transactions, where the mysterious game of transforming currency notes into votes is played in real earnest. Having delivered the message, the SUVs whir past the mesmerised crowds on their democratic mission. They are instantly followed by the lesser netas, packed in rattling tractor trolleys and trucks and shouting slogans till their tonsils turn sore. While attributing godlike abilities to their leaders, the sloganeers blow the wits out of the rival candidates and their teams with their fiery and fearsome battle cries. Blaring trumpets and ear-piercing drum beats seek to match the roar of the SUVs.

So as we rev up for the electoral extravaganza ahead, remember this: behind every formidable politician, there is an even more formidable SUV. And as these automotive leviathans cruise streets, roads, bumpy countryside, minor ponds, springs, and rivulets, they remind us that in the complex dance of Bharatiya democracy, it’s not just about casting votes; it is about casting tyre tracks that leave an indelible mark on the political landscape.

While those with money may afford a fleet of these automotive titans, budding politicians, fuelled by mere ambition, are prone to plunging into debt or deploying emotional blackmail to procure even second- or third-hand SUVs. Their histrionics to make family elders loosen their purse strings by buying these imposing automobiles often put even Bollywood stars to shame.

In the darkest of political conspiracy theories, it is even whispered that some SUVs develop a mind of their own, running over their owners’ political rivals with a sinister grin (or perhaps just a malfunctioning brake pedal or a burst tyre). What else can one expect from these vehicles, which are constant companions of wily politicians?

QED: political success is not about whether you are left or right; it is about whether you are riding high in your SUV or left choking on its dust. Welcome to the SUV-driven democracy, where the road to power is paved with horsepower.