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I do not recall whether it was my brother’s idea or mine that our cat, Tiddles, should take part in a cat contest. I do remember that it was not a good idea. Tiddles was bedraggled. He had lost the tip of one ear in a tussle with a terrier, and his head bore scratches sustained when he stuck it in a tin of tuna. His fur was matted with burs, which clung to him with passionate tenacity.
Tiddles had acquired those the night before while serenading his beloved from the prickly protection of a bush. He had been forced to skulk ever since the tabby’s owner had hurled a flowerpot at the mewling minstrel and broken his leg.
My brother and I had rushed Tiddles to a vet, who lost his soothing manner when the patient bit his hand. Convinced that the world would be a safer place without Tiddles, he had urged us to "put the poor creature to sleep." Soon after, the "poor creature" was back on his feet — all four of them.
Tiddles was remarkable, but would the judges think so? My brother and I realised that he had fierce competition in the form of a beautiful Siamese. Bright blue eyes gleamed in her chocolate-brown face, and her sleek, creamy coat shone like satin. We told each other that Tiddles was in no way inferior to this formidable feline. After all, he was also a Siamese.
Unfortunately, he might just as well have been a Martian, since not much could be seen of his colouring. His eyes (proof of his breed) were half closed in a somnolent stare. A friend of ours recently remarked that she would believe our claim that Tiddles’ eyes resembled aquamarines if she could once see them open.
The dainty Siamese was completing her turn. Calm and composed, she walked gracefully past the cheering spectators. The moment had come for Tiddles to enter the ring. We were prepared for our peevish pet to refuse to budge. We were prepared for him to bristle, claw us, or flee the arena. We were not prepared for him to sink down on his stomach and drag himself, serpent-style, around the circle.
The elegant Siamese bagged the first prize. Tiddles slithered off with the second. There were only three participants, and the third cat was not eligible for an award. He belonged to the organisers.