<p>A couple of years ago, the features editor of this newspaper asked me to write an article on polyamory. I looked up the word in the dictionary, and having safely determined that I knew nothing about it, I realised that I also had no one to ask about polyamory either. Family? Well, in my conservative family, the most scandalous thing that ever happens is when unruly folks decide to divorce. Affairs are unheard of, even though I suspect that’s more because I am not a gossipy fly on the wall. Death is another frequent topic of conversation, not in a philosophical way, but because people keep dying now and then. But no one ever discusses the other D word: Dating. Everyone plunges straight into marriage and produces astoundingly brilliant kids with boring equanimity, complete with SUVs and villas.</p>.<p>Friends? They were mostly exhausted with their own partners and looked askance at the idea of adding any more. They seemed more wanting 'solymary' — my own term for joyful solitude — than polyamory. So, I turned to the current source of inexhaustible information on human behaviour: a dating app.</p>.<p>Hesitantly, I checked the box as “Looking for men and women,” hoping it would net me interesting folks who I could then pounce on for information. A mistake. Being on a dating app exhausted me more than doing the laundry. I had to change my concept of whimsical unicorns and realise that I most definitely didn’t want to be a unicorn here. Many openly said they were polyamorous but clammed up when I asked them to speak. Getting into this polyamorous society felt like a secret initiation, the password to which I couldn’t hack. I turned to a friend who was an unavowed expert on such matters, having remarkably dated hundreds of women even during the Covid lockdown, a feat of endurance and stealth unprecedented in dating annals. Even he couldn’t provide me with this rite of passage, and that story sank to a monogamous death, unwritten.</p>.<p><strong>A boom-boom market</strong></p>.<p>Indians are dating like they never did before. The online dating market in India is expected to touch 29.2 million users by 2029. We have Bumble, Tinder, Aisle, Hinge, and TrulyMadly, among many others. Their names may confuse the poor soul who ventures onto this path. Are we supposed to bumble in our search for our dream mate? Set sparks to romantic conversations, tinder and tender? Walk down the aisle after a swipe? Hinge on marrying but end up cheating? Or just truly and madly fall in love? A recent year-end report from Tinder says that situationships are on their way out, and nanoships are on their way in.</p>.<p><strong>Just send a meme!</strong></p>.<p>“Singles are embracing intentionality in their dating lives — being upfront about what they want and refusing to settle. This shift has driven three standout trends: Loud Looking, Kiss-met, and Nano-ships,” explains Melissa Hobley, Tinder’s Chief Marketing Officer. Not to be outdone, Bumble dropped its own trends, stating that the ‘Lover Girl’ trend will rule in 2025, where women will appreciate lovey-dovey gestures the most. “Micro-mance” is in. Nearly 72% of Bumble’s users were looking for long-term dating partners in the next year. Future-proofing, you see — emphasising a partner who is emotionally consistent, reliable, and has clear goals. A startling 86% of singles felt that showing love and affection now includes behaviours like sending memes or a playlist. You really don’t have to do the flowers and chocolates thing anymore. Just send a meme.</p>.<p><strong>Fun and evil</strong></p>.<p>On Bumble, ‘The quickest way to my heart is’ was one of the top prompts globally.</p>.<p>On Tinder, the fastest way to your partner’s heart seems to be through…emojis. The pink bow, cloud, backpack, palm, and owl were more evocative than anything from Dostoevsky.</p>.<p>But are Indians really ‘enjoying’ all the micro-mancing and nano-shipping? Anitha, who identifies as queer, has found her share of fun and evil on dating apps. It’s hard to find women who are women and looking for women on the app, she admits. Men show up frequently even when you set your filters to “looking for women.” “I have found profiles with display pictures of Yingur Rinpoche. Once, even Narendra Modi,” she laughs. “Another was very sweet but funny in her expression. 'Some likes it, some don’t likes it. Wat to do?’”</p>.<p>Anitha didn’t wait to find out what it was that some "likes" and some "don’t likes".</p>.<p>Her most hilarious conversation with another woman began like this:</p>.<p>J - So you’re not married?</p>.<p>Me: No</p>.<p>J - I’m married, my hubby doesn’t know.</p>.<p>Me - He doesn’t know you’re married to him? What do you mean?</p>.<p>(J clarifies that her husband definitely knows they are married, but he doesn’t know she is on Bumble)</p>.<p>J - So you live alone?</p>.<p>Me - Huh?</p>.<p>Me - (getting scared) I have an older aunt who lives with me.</p>.<p>(She lives in Malleswaram, but right now, she’s my shield.)</p>.<p>Mumbai-based Pari Savla, who has been on different dating apps, says that often, the algorithms bring the same person again and again. “There was this guy I saw on a marriage portal. And then, I saw him again on different dating apps. We never swiped on each other, but we have probably seen each other grow up on dating apps. When I first saw him on that marriage portal, he had much more hair. Now, not so much. So, I have seen him through different stages of hair fall,” she laughs. Another person she met on a dating app ardently pursued her. Not for a relationship, in case you assume that, but for a job.</p>.<p><strong>Hotbeds of networking</strong></p>.<p>Dating apps these days are also hotbeds of networking. Two people going on a date and then co-founding an app or startup is probably as Bengaluru as it can get.</p>.<p>A casual swipe-through on any dating app shows me that most people are ‘looking for conversations.’ It seems an ardent need, but those I tried swiping right for this feature didn’t talk. The conversations ranged from “What’s up?” to “What do you do?” with sporadic replies spread over many days. Almost everyone loves dogs and cats and travel. There are an inordinate number of mirror selfies. One person’s bio inexplicably reads, “Pessimism of the intellect, optimism of the will,” with no further explanation. A girl’s bio had a glowing recommendation of her cooking skills from… her dad. “Nice girl,” he exults. “Cooks well too.”</p>.<p>Another guy’s profile baffled me even further. “Thank you all guys.” On further scrolling, he writes that after work, you can find him, followed by a series of emojis depicting fencing, riding, skiing and paragliding! I was quite impressed. Would he be paragliding his way out of Bengaluru’s traffic? The rest of his profile also spoke only in emojis, making me scramble to an emoji dictionary online to find the meaning of these obscure symbols of dating eloquence. </p>.<p>Dating minefield? Emojis, of course!</p>.<p>Emojis are a dating minefield. Use them well, and you are swiped right. Use them badly, and you can be quickly relegated to the Dating Hall of Shame if you ever thought of sending a sweet tomato emoji to your newest match.</p>.<p>My experienced friend says those who write “No judgements, please” on their bios are inevitably married or expect a more ‘unconventional’ date. One guy, in a state of perpetual optimism, had a profile picture of his wedding, then a bonny kid as well. Perhaps, he thought he would inspire women that they could aspire to similar lives. Bumble demands that you respond within a timeframe, failing which the Dreamy Conversationalist With a Penchant for Long Drives is lost forever. (Unless you buy the premium version).</p>.<p><strong>One too many ships</strong></p>.<p>Dating also means that you must be aware of a host of terminologies. Zombieing, fizzling, catfishing, breadcrumbing, orbiting, roaching, and more need to be part of your education manual. You can no longer decide if you want a fling or a long-term relationship. You have to delve deeper and see if you want a situation-ship, a nano-ship, a flirtation-ship, or an attraction-ship. This makes for a very busy and chaotic harbour if you ask me. You also have to plan in advance. A friend I knew would set his location to the place he was travelling to, swipe, and find a date all ready when he landed in that city or country. “Local dates make for great travel guides, too,” he wisely advised me. “Sometimes, you save on accommodation costs too, if things work out,” he added in a desperate bid to convince me. The friend had just given a whole new meaning to the term, ‘experiential travel.’</p>.<p>Looking even further into the dating crystal ball for this year, Tinder also predicts that astrology love predictions will shape who we will date this year. Virgos, Geminis, Leos, and Sagittariuses received the most likes in 2024. Imagine asking your family astrologer to also see your dating horoscopes. “Mars has moved into Mercury, and I see you swiping right on a ‘homely’ girl who is well-placed in Uranus in the first month of June.” Nearly 46% of Bumble’s users also state that unique and quirky interests are now a key match in attractiveness. Interest badges are really a thing, with everything from slow living to dancing to thrifting to crocheting being filterable and discoverable. About 45% of Tinder users said they want a Golden Retriever type in 2025. Someone loyal, friendly, energetic, and optimistic. I am also thinking perhaps someone who may not shed so much?</p>.<p>In a world of flux and chaos, quirk and sameness, dating apps have become microcosms of society. It’s here we bare our most authentic and deceitful selves. It’s here we form stories of connection and confusion. As Anitha said, it’s here that we are whimsical and cruel, cuddly and repulsive. It’s here that we are most human. This year may show us how micro-mancing we are in our flirtation-ships and how fast we manifest kiss-met in our relationships. Just remember to keep an eye out for that fantastic meme. It might be that elusive but grand romantic gesture you desperately needed.</p>.<p><strong>Dating slang for 2025</strong></p>.<p>1. Textationship: Where one texts but rarely meets.<br>2. Breadcrumbing: Stringing a person along with no genuine interest or commitment.<br>3. Roaching: Keep other romantic relationships secret while dating.<br>4. Nano-ship: Low-pressure, no commitment interactions.<br>5. Zombieing: A person who once ghosted you resurfacing in your life.<br>6. Beige flag: Used to describe attributes that are neither good nor bad.<br>7. Hard-launch: To share your relationship on social media loudly.</p>
<p>A couple of years ago, the features editor of this newspaper asked me to write an article on polyamory. I looked up the word in the dictionary, and having safely determined that I knew nothing about it, I realised that I also had no one to ask about polyamory either. Family? Well, in my conservative family, the most scandalous thing that ever happens is when unruly folks decide to divorce. Affairs are unheard of, even though I suspect that’s more because I am not a gossipy fly on the wall. Death is another frequent topic of conversation, not in a philosophical way, but because people keep dying now and then. But no one ever discusses the other D word: Dating. Everyone plunges straight into marriage and produces astoundingly brilliant kids with boring equanimity, complete with SUVs and villas.</p>.<p>Friends? They were mostly exhausted with their own partners and looked askance at the idea of adding any more. They seemed more wanting 'solymary' — my own term for joyful solitude — than polyamory. So, I turned to the current source of inexhaustible information on human behaviour: a dating app.</p>.<p>Hesitantly, I checked the box as “Looking for men and women,” hoping it would net me interesting folks who I could then pounce on for information. A mistake. Being on a dating app exhausted me more than doing the laundry. I had to change my concept of whimsical unicorns and realise that I most definitely didn’t want to be a unicorn here. Many openly said they were polyamorous but clammed up when I asked them to speak. Getting into this polyamorous society felt like a secret initiation, the password to which I couldn’t hack. I turned to a friend who was an unavowed expert on such matters, having remarkably dated hundreds of women even during the Covid lockdown, a feat of endurance and stealth unprecedented in dating annals. Even he couldn’t provide me with this rite of passage, and that story sank to a monogamous death, unwritten.</p>.<p><strong>A boom-boom market</strong></p>.<p>Indians are dating like they never did before. The online dating market in India is expected to touch 29.2 million users by 2029. We have Bumble, Tinder, Aisle, Hinge, and TrulyMadly, among many others. Their names may confuse the poor soul who ventures onto this path. Are we supposed to bumble in our search for our dream mate? Set sparks to romantic conversations, tinder and tender? Walk down the aisle after a swipe? Hinge on marrying but end up cheating? Or just truly and madly fall in love? A recent year-end report from Tinder says that situationships are on their way out, and nanoships are on their way in.</p>.<p><strong>Just send a meme!</strong></p>.<p>“Singles are embracing intentionality in their dating lives — being upfront about what they want and refusing to settle. This shift has driven three standout trends: Loud Looking, Kiss-met, and Nano-ships,” explains Melissa Hobley, Tinder’s Chief Marketing Officer. Not to be outdone, Bumble dropped its own trends, stating that the ‘Lover Girl’ trend will rule in 2025, where women will appreciate lovey-dovey gestures the most. “Micro-mance” is in. Nearly 72% of Bumble’s users were looking for long-term dating partners in the next year. Future-proofing, you see — emphasising a partner who is emotionally consistent, reliable, and has clear goals. A startling 86% of singles felt that showing love and affection now includes behaviours like sending memes or a playlist. You really don’t have to do the flowers and chocolates thing anymore. Just send a meme.</p>.<p><strong>Fun and evil</strong></p>.<p>On Bumble, ‘The quickest way to my heart is’ was one of the top prompts globally.</p>.<p>On Tinder, the fastest way to your partner’s heart seems to be through…emojis. The pink bow, cloud, backpack, palm, and owl were more evocative than anything from Dostoevsky.</p>.<p>But are Indians really ‘enjoying’ all the micro-mancing and nano-shipping? Anitha, who identifies as queer, has found her share of fun and evil on dating apps. It’s hard to find women who are women and looking for women on the app, she admits. Men show up frequently even when you set your filters to “looking for women.” “I have found profiles with display pictures of Yingur Rinpoche. Once, even Narendra Modi,” she laughs. “Another was very sweet but funny in her expression. 'Some likes it, some don’t likes it. Wat to do?’”</p>.<p>Anitha didn’t wait to find out what it was that some "likes" and some "don’t likes".</p>.<p>Her most hilarious conversation with another woman began like this:</p>.<p>J - So you’re not married?</p>.<p>Me: No</p>.<p>J - I’m married, my hubby doesn’t know.</p>.<p>Me - He doesn’t know you’re married to him? What do you mean?</p>.<p>(J clarifies that her husband definitely knows they are married, but he doesn’t know she is on Bumble)</p>.<p>J - So you live alone?</p>.<p>Me - Huh?</p>.<p>Me - (getting scared) I have an older aunt who lives with me.</p>.<p>(She lives in Malleswaram, but right now, she’s my shield.)</p>.<p>Mumbai-based Pari Savla, who has been on different dating apps, says that often, the algorithms bring the same person again and again. “There was this guy I saw on a marriage portal. And then, I saw him again on different dating apps. We never swiped on each other, but we have probably seen each other grow up on dating apps. When I first saw him on that marriage portal, he had much more hair. Now, not so much. So, I have seen him through different stages of hair fall,” she laughs. Another person she met on a dating app ardently pursued her. Not for a relationship, in case you assume that, but for a job.</p>.<p><strong>Hotbeds of networking</strong></p>.<p>Dating apps these days are also hotbeds of networking. Two people going on a date and then co-founding an app or startup is probably as Bengaluru as it can get.</p>.<p>A casual swipe-through on any dating app shows me that most people are ‘looking for conversations.’ It seems an ardent need, but those I tried swiping right for this feature didn’t talk. The conversations ranged from “What’s up?” to “What do you do?” with sporadic replies spread over many days. Almost everyone loves dogs and cats and travel. There are an inordinate number of mirror selfies. One person’s bio inexplicably reads, “Pessimism of the intellect, optimism of the will,” with no further explanation. A girl’s bio had a glowing recommendation of her cooking skills from… her dad. “Nice girl,” he exults. “Cooks well too.”</p>.<p>Another guy’s profile baffled me even further. “Thank you all guys.” On further scrolling, he writes that after work, you can find him, followed by a series of emojis depicting fencing, riding, skiing and paragliding! I was quite impressed. Would he be paragliding his way out of Bengaluru’s traffic? The rest of his profile also spoke only in emojis, making me scramble to an emoji dictionary online to find the meaning of these obscure symbols of dating eloquence. </p>.<p>Dating minefield? Emojis, of course!</p>.<p>Emojis are a dating minefield. Use them well, and you are swiped right. Use them badly, and you can be quickly relegated to the Dating Hall of Shame if you ever thought of sending a sweet tomato emoji to your newest match.</p>.<p>My experienced friend says those who write “No judgements, please” on their bios are inevitably married or expect a more ‘unconventional’ date. One guy, in a state of perpetual optimism, had a profile picture of his wedding, then a bonny kid as well. Perhaps, he thought he would inspire women that they could aspire to similar lives. Bumble demands that you respond within a timeframe, failing which the Dreamy Conversationalist With a Penchant for Long Drives is lost forever. (Unless you buy the premium version).</p>.<p><strong>One too many ships</strong></p>.<p>Dating also means that you must be aware of a host of terminologies. Zombieing, fizzling, catfishing, breadcrumbing, orbiting, roaching, and more need to be part of your education manual. You can no longer decide if you want a fling or a long-term relationship. You have to delve deeper and see if you want a situation-ship, a nano-ship, a flirtation-ship, or an attraction-ship. This makes for a very busy and chaotic harbour if you ask me. You also have to plan in advance. A friend I knew would set his location to the place he was travelling to, swipe, and find a date all ready when he landed in that city or country. “Local dates make for great travel guides, too,” he wisely advised me. “Sometimes, you save on accommodation costs too, if things work out,” he added in a desperate bid to convince me. The friend had just given a whole new meaning to the term, ‘experiential travel.’</p>.<p>Looking even further into the dating crystal ball for this year, Tinder also predicts that astrology love predictions will shape who we will date this year. Virgos, Geminis, Leos, and Sagittariuses received the most likes in 2024. Imagine asking your family astrologer to also see your dating horoscopes. “Mars has moved into Mercury, and I see you swiping right on a ‘homely’ girl who is well-placed in Uranus in the first month of June.” Nearly 46% of Bumble’s users also state that unique and quirky interests are now a key match in attractiveness. Interest badges are really a thing, with everything from slow living to dancing to thrifting to crocheting being filterable and discoverable. About 45% of Tinder users said they want a Golden Retriever type in 2025. Someone loyal, friendly, energetic, and optimistic. I am also thinking perhaps someone who may not shed so much?</p>.<p>In a world of flux and chaos, quirk and sameness, dating apps have become microcosms of society. It’s here we bare our most authentic and deceitful selves. It’s here we form stories of connection and confusion. As Anitha said, it’s here that we are whimsical and cruel, cuddly and repulsive. It’s here that we are most human. This year may show us how micro-mancing we are in our flirtation-ships and how fast we manifest kiss-met in our relationships. Just remember to keep an eye out for that fantastic meme. It might be that elusive but grand romantic gesture you desperately needed.</p>.<p><strong>Dating slang for 2025</strong></p>.<p>1. Textationship: Where one texts but rarely meets.<br>2. Breadcrumbing: Stringing a person along with no genuine interest or commitment.<br>3. Roaching: Keep other romantic relationships secret while dating.<br>4. Nano-ship: Low-pressure, no commitment interactions.<br>5. Zombieing: A person who once ghosted you resurfacing in your life.<br>6. Beige flag: Used to describe attributes that are neither good nor bad.<br>7. Hard-launch: To share your relationship on social media loudly.</p>