I work for an organisation where most men consider themselves feminists. Two weeks ago, one such man posted a question on LinkedIn: “Do you believe that focusing conversations more on women than men goes against the principle of gender equality?” This question, which uses words like “gender equality” to escape its inherent hypocrisy, reflects the anxiety (largely) among cisgender-heterosexual men of being robbed of entitlements they hold dear to themselves, thanks to what they believe are increasingly strident feminist perspectives.
The so-called fourth wave of feminism is thus ostensibly studded with landmines for a large section of men who are expected to tread super carefully, lest it all blows up in their faces. This is leading to a backlash that is being expressed both in everyday situations and vacuous social media posts like the one above. In this melee, ground realities are being distorted and the real issues are going unaddressed.
According to the World Economic Forum’s Global Gender Gap 2022 Report, “At the current rate of progress, it will take 132 years to reach full parity.” One often finds cis-het men using the “equality” argument to share their contempt for affirmative actions to bridge the gender gap. If a large number of men are tending to believe that feminism is causing them harm, robbing them of opportunities, and reducing their entire being to a cause of all problems in society, the onus is on feminists to address and try to correct this perception, is it not?
Where is the ownership?
Academic, filmmaker, and the author of The Anger of Saintly Men, Anubha Yadav feels that “being a feminist is always a verb, not an absolute position. It’s work that you’re constantly doing, failing, and succeeding. I think men are aware [of] how to ensure gender equality, but I often wonder how much of this translates or migrates into their family life and work life. Because it’s hard work to question normative behaviours. And there’s often a price to pay, which a lot of feminist women have paid and are paying, but I don’t see that kind of ownership of the movement in feminist men.”
What makes their privileges go unchecked? Yadav shares two nuanced observations. First, “patriarchy naturalises men’s privilege” and second, “class-caste matrix makes [privilege] invisible”. She further adds that “men don’t seem to have a map to identify visible markers to challenge their privilege. They’ve no answers to questions like: What does my privilege look like? What do I need to do to challenge it? Where can I look to do so? So, I don’t entirely blame them.”
Author of My Subconsciously Feminist Father, architect, and urban designer, Yashika Singla says that men “may show sympathy for the oppressed but checking their privileges has its limits. A few men did write to me after reading my book saying it pained them to read certain parts, as it made them realise the privileges they’ve and rubbed them in a way that they weren’t expecting. Would they have discussed this with other men in a living room after? I’m unsure.”
Signalling what Yadav also notes, Singla suggests women “have more dialogues” with men. “We cannot expect men to understand what is missing, on their own, which is also why in my book I’m trying to have a (simplified) dialogue with men, breaking down for them examples of their age-old privileges. The privileged are always ignorant either by choice or by nature.”
A convenient trope?
Singla says exhibiting feminism when convenient is plain hypocrisy. “I, fortunately, have come across a few who are consciously, subconsciously, or naturally feminists,” she continues, “but even they’ve ideas and behaviours to unlearn. Societal conditioning is so deeply ingrained that they do tend to develop blind spots, and others just have their heads in the sand. I have spoken about a few feminist men in my book, who aren’t exhibiting it only when convenient but yes, I wish they understood the need for stepping forward and having these difficult conversations with other men.”
Delhi-NCR-based writer and independent journalist Anmol “believes that anyone can be a feminist or call themselves one” but they’re “not sure if many men actually follow any practices against gender inequity.”
They further add, “I know a few who will propound feminist ideals outside their house but still expect the women to do all the household chores within the family. While I’m sure many men are active participants in feminist mobilisation, I think that it’s also an easy label to add to your social capital and use as leverage, especially on social media.”
Regarding addressing privileges, they note that “it’s not difficult to accept and speak out loud about your privileges. But the question is: Does it change anything? Checking privileges won’t dismantle the structural and systemic inequity. Why are we competing with each other about privileges then? I believe it’s time to move beyond this form of performative allyship and focus on practical strategies and actions.”
Is there something that people can do in their everyday life to go beyond performativity as Anmol notes? Yadav says that “men need to see themselves as enablers in women’s lives. Be it their mother, sister, or partner, they’ve to see themselves as collaborators. They need to step back and be comfortable doing so. Also, they need to do a lot of work to be comfortable with another kind of masculinity, which is less aggressive and competitive, and is more grounded in ideas of friendship and fragility.”
Getting a bad rap
The idea that feminism is a bad word was very much around before the age of misinformation and cancel culture. The internet has just boosted it and emboldened people to be vocal against feminism. For example, they post questions like the above or share ill-informed opinions on social media platforms, circulating biased views and influencing the choices of their follower base.
Singla says, “We are living in an era where ‘hating’ is the most convenient place most of us are choosing to operate from. We refuse to accept another’s viewpoint despite ‘woke’ and ‘liberal’ being the other two fashionable terms that we associate ourselves with. In reality, we do not truly [try] to educate ourselves. Feminism has always been misunderstood by the majority and therefore misrepresented for far too long. An unlimited supply of misinformation on the web and social media has made people aware of it today but the concept has also attracted a bad reputation as a result. As I mentioned in my book, ‘It seems to embrace the very conditions it’s struggling to break free of — categorisations and stereotypes.’”
Yadav, on the other hand, notes that the real “danger is [of] feminism being co-opted by the market. While we have authentic movements, like the #MeToo movement, which was a very important rupture, we have an array of products being sold in the name of feminism, and women are championing these products, which largely focus on how to look. This push towards a kind of aesthetic; this ‘beauty project’ through feminism is disappointing and dangerous because [feminism] is becoming a mere buzzword for the neoliberal market.”
Beyond the label
Anmol says that like other ideologies, “feminism is an expansive medium that addresses various forms of inequities of the day. That’s why even popular strands of feminism openly talk about intersectionality and discuss various facets of race, caste, religion, class, disability, and queerness. The climate crisis and extreme weather events are going to be a part of the feminist discourse as well.”
But they wish that more people will start practising what they preach on social media. They say, “We all know that voting for a fascist politician in the name of #GirlPower or #WomenEmpowerment is duplicitous. Or taking up the position of an intersectional feminist while doing nothing about the actual power imbalance is of no use. Importantly, we ought to support ground movements against all forms of oppressive structures instead of focusing on who is or who is not a feminist (depending on how much they speak about the trendy topic of the day).”
Award-winning author of Desperately Seeking Shah Rukh: India’s Lonely Young Women and the Search for Intimacy and Independence, Shrayana Bhattacharya says that “feminism is not a label or a static binary (with me or against me) equation. It is a continuum of lived practices and choices with keen attention to power dynamics and caregiving. Many men and women may recite liberal-feminist ideals and not pay care workers adequate wages. Many traditional men are forced to change their conservative gender beliefs as they witness their own daughters navigate unfair workplaces or abusive marriages. To me, learning to value the labour and [using the] lens of love and nurture are crucial if you’re to live a feminist life.”
Feminism for all
Founder of the Feminist Times, Kuhu Srivastava, who started the platform in 2020, says that a 25-year-old person’s reel on Instagram in which she shared why “she doesn’t believe in feminism” made her determined to demystify feminism for the masses.
“Interestingly,” Srivastava shares, “at the end of the video the woman said that at night time, she submits the phone to her father every day. And the internet was divided over it. Some said feminists hate men and others were harsh on this woman. It then struck me that not many people have access to resources when it comes to feminism because no one encourages you to study the subject. This is also a good way to secure patriarchy! So, we started this e-magazine to make the concept of feminism accessible to everyone. And we purposely didn’t want it to be behind a paywall. We’re not on any subscription as we felt it’d defeat the purpose.”
Sense of entitlement?
Along with Diya Shilin, Aayushi Mittal, and Shreya Dasgupta, the Feminist Times has released an e-book, a collection of essays titled Feminism 101. Browsing through it can be beneficial for anyone “who [is] still trying to figure out things depending on their social position. For example, families may not stop their daughters from going on trips, etc., but anything that challenges the gendered roles makes them uncomfortable. Then, there’s our generation, which is wondering if they should pull a chair or open the door for a woman.”
But what’s deeply troubling is the “sense of entitlement” that men have, Srivastava highlights. “I’ve had people DM-ing me, saying that a particular blog wasn’t necessary. Then, when our platform was featured by UN Women — something that ought to be celebrated, I was actually managing the opinions of people who were ‘concerned’ for my future, saying things like who will marry someone with such strong opinions. Or making statements like, don’t say feminism, say equality. It doesn’t occur to people that we don’t have the same starting point in this race. Feminism to me is reaching that level of equality. We’re not there yet.”
The author is a Delhi-based independent journalist who writes about books, gender and sexuality. Find them on Instagram and Twitter as @writerly_life
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